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More from Wisconsin...

2012-01-03T04:30:00.000-08:00

After the epic derby win and epic after party, we had a full day of hanging out! We kicked it off with breakfast:

And decided to follow it up with a walk in the woods. I had to get into the woods because I had A PLAN. See, Neil has a tombstone in his back garden. Next to the tombstone is a zombie hand. Being an extremely chilly part of the country, I felt this zombie hand needed a glove. I tweeted this picture:

And I think I officially weirded Neil Gaiman out.

Dill and Kerrie decided to go back into the house where it was warm, while Greg and I wanted to get a good walk in, so we kept going down the path.

When we hit the beehives, Greg and I became aware of shouting up by the road. We headed up to see what the commotion was, and spotted not only a horse, but Dill and Kerrie!

Turns out a girl had tied her horse up improperly while going into the local bar for a drink. Dill and Kerrie spotted the horse running down the road, hopped in a car and caught it. Yay Dill and Kerrie!

But. Let's back up here. At the local bar, you can TIE YOUR HORSE UP at the hitching post and go in for a drink.
You. Can. Ride. Your. Horse. To. The. Bar.
Why the effing frack do I not live there yet????

A weekend in pictures!

2011-12-29T04:09:00.000-08:00

A couple weeks ago, myself, Dill, Kerrie, and Papa Dark took a drive up to see Lorraine, and more importantly, see some DERBY! Lorraine is on a team near her home, but they have no coach. I've been trying to help out where I can. I send them drills and practice ideas, watch their bout dvd's and break down, minute by minute, what is going wrong and what is going right. For this visit though, I came up to actually coach on the bench, along with Apron from Minnesota.

After the long, 10 hour drive, (which really, doesn't Lorraine have minions? Can't one of them remove one of the states between us or invent a tractor beam or SOMETHING???) we arrived at her bosses house, who was getting some writing time in. Deciding to be as unobtrusive as possible, we headed down to the library to visit the cats.

This is Joey, who is the biggest cuddle bug EVER! He always wants to be held, and you can hear him purring through a closed door. Sweetest cat ever. If you want to read about how Joey came to live in Neil's house, click here.

Everyone got some cuddle time with the kitties.

Since Lorraine and I had to wake up super early in the morning to go to pre-bout practice, we stayed at her spooky house, while everyone else stayed with Neil. Which for them, meant setting up a signing production line for the Neil and Amanda cd's!
Dill Her0 also got to tell Neil tales of the Krampus, which has been his obsession this Christmas season. I'm told that after that, they made wax out of honey until 2am, then finally begged off and went to sleep.

On our way to the bout the next day, we had to stop off and get water. At the grocery store. Which happens to be, the GREATEST GROCERY STORE IN THE WORLD.
Know why? These cookies were their free samples.

Yea. Giant cookie monster cookies were their free samples. Along with bags of candy, apple cider, and popcorn. I freaking love Wisconsin.

There was lots of bout stuff. It was amazing to see the difference between what this team had been and what they are turning into. The first few times I saw them, I saw a lot of great individual skaters who were all on the track being great as individuals. Problem was, individual greatness doesn't necessarily mean a great team. Now that they're working together? Well, let's just say that when I finally looked up at the scoreboard and saw that we were about 200 points ahead, I started letting them try crazy plays out on the track, letting everyone jam, and just having FUN! It was great!

And then there was the after party....
Let's just say that I may have earned a new nickname, thanks to Allie Gator of the Mad Rollin Dolls. And let's just say that someone needs to insist on bars giving her PLASTIC cups from now on, not glass.
Oh look, a picture of Daisy and Dill! (that's my version of pointing and saying, "What's that thing behind you"?)

Don't ask why this picture is upside down, or why I can't flip it around. I don't know these things...

But look how heavy and slippery that glass is! I mean really! Who wouldn't drop it?

Allie Gator, Apron, and Dill!

Crashed out that night at the big house. These dolls from Coraline were actually used int he movie. I am so in love.

But this creepiness was right next to them. I swear it's eyes follow you around the room...

This is Dill, telling the story of Krampus on a coffee shop chalkboard.

He wants to bring the Krampus back into Christmas.

Lorraine has a bathtub in her dining room.

With a skeleton in it.

I'll tell the rest of the weekend in the next blog post! Escaped horse! Zombies! Knit gloves!

THANKSgiving!

2011-11-28T06:16:00.000-08:00

Had such a perfect thanksgiving weekend here! Kicked off Wednesday with an incredibly busy day! We were swamped until about an hour before close, which I always think is just perfect!
Since my family travels out of town, and Dill doesn't have family that does Thanksgiving close by, we always end up doing our own misfit style thanksgiving. This year, we headed over to our friend Will's house, where the majority of guests took part in a deep fried turkey while I enjoyed a lovely tofurkey!

But Friday was the real treat! I actually got to see my brother! He moved to TN, got his PhD at Vanderbilt, and now hangs out there being a smarty pants and teaching others how to be smarty pants as well. And occasionally catching them cheating on papers, and sharing the stories of how stupidly they got caught.
We met up at Vino Villa which is our new favorite hang out. Wine shop downstairs, comfy chairs to eat food and drink your wine upstairs! My brother and I got very drunk and argued about grammar. Because we are nerds.

I'm lucky. I hear other people complain about having bat shit crazy siblings, or dreading seeing their brother or sister, but my brother and I love getting together. He's smart, kind, funny, and does not mind being a nerd. It's just hard to get together with him, since he lives so far away. It doesn't help that I own a business that ties me down, while he has 500 children. (Okay 3. But I believe they make the noise of 500)

So that's the first part of the holiday season down! Now we enter a busy handful of weeks where I will travel 10 hours to bench coach a roller derby team, design some patterns for a new project, and get ready for the upcoming release of Knits for Nerds!

Tales from the coffee shop: SEE ID!

2011-11-21T09:04:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had someone ask to see your ID when you pay with a credit card/debit card? Does it fill you with a blind rage? Do you smart off to the person asking for your ID?
No?
Instead, do you politely show your ID, proving that you are in fact, the owner of the card? If so, thank you. Thank you so very, very much.

Here's the story:
There is a woman who has been coming to my coffee shop for at least 2 years. The first time she came in, she handed me an unsigned card. The name on the card was a man's name, so obviously, I asked her for her ID. She informed me it was her husbands card. I said that was fine, as long as she could show me her ID and they had the same last name. She said they didn't, so I said I couldn't take the card. A 10 minute argument followed. Finally she just paid with cash.

This went on for about a year. At least once a week we would have the exact same argument. Finally she just gave up and always brought cash in. For at least a year I have not had to argue with this woman over this stupid debit card. Until yesterday:

She came in, ordered, and handed me the card. I sighed internally, and asked for her ID.
"Seriously? I forgot it. It's my husbands card, you know this!"
"Well, I'm sorry, but I've never seen your husband, I don't know him, and I don't know that it's okay for you to use this card".
"EVERYONE here has taken this card before. Everyone. You're the only one who gives me a hard time about it."
"Well I'll make sure that we have a staff meeting about it and get that cleared up. Because no one here should be taking this card" (Side note. She was lying. One person took the card before, I caught him doing it, and we had a discussion about it after. It's never happened since)
"If this card were signed you would have to take it! I don't understand what the big deal is"!
At this point her voice is getting higher and higher pitched, so I tried to stay calm and diffuse.
"Even if it were signed I wouldn't take the card. You don't have ID proving that this card belongs to you. Honestly, how upset would you be if someone stole this card, and no one checked ID for it? It's honestly for your own good that I'm asking for ID"
"I'm going to just have you call him, and he'll tell you it's okay. This is just ridiculous! I can't believe I seriously have to walk all the way (Interjection: all the way is about 100 yards here) to the ATM machine!!!"
"Look, I'm sorry. But a phone call won't let me check ID. You have to get cash, otherwise I can't run this transaction".

She gave a frustrated kind of gurgle noise and stomped out, returning about 5 minutes later with cash. I spent those 5 minutes practicing deep breathing in the back room, trying to calm down.

It would be one thing if she and her husband came in together a lot, and I knew them well as customers. I would be less apprehensive about letting her use his card. But I have never, ever, seen her come in with anyone other than the women she meets and hangs out with. I have people that get aggravated when you ask for ID (my favorite is when the card says "SEE ID" on the back and they get furious with you for checking, since they actually don't have their ID on them.)and that's fine, it's inconvenient. But actually getting angry at the person who is looking out for YOUR best interests, and trying to protect you, is infuriating.

Anyone else have horror stories about people raging about ID checks?

Bunny Hat!

2011-11-08T07:21:00.000-08:00

I made a bunny hat for my employee, and Naptown Roller Girl, Itsy Gitsy! She really wanted me to make this for her! I've got to work out a pattern for it, as I just free formed the thing! It started off HUGE until I felted it. I think it came out really cute! Bonus: when she talks while wearing it, the ears waggle.

Lore Hoodie!

2011-10-17T05:08:00.000-07:00

I decided to try my hand at knitting the lovely Lore Hoodie from Vampire Knits! (Psst! There is also apparently a guys sweater pattern in that book from a really cool derby girl knitter)

I poked through some of the versions of this hoodie on Ravelry, just to see what other knitters have done. I decided to use a Knit Picks yarn to make mine, but didn't want to use the Swish Bulky. Instead, I used Wool of the Andes Tweed in Indigo Heather. I held two strands together to get a bulky weight yarn for the pattern! I think it came out lovely!

These pics are pre-blocking. I was way too excited to try it on and take pictures!

I also think I might add one more button near the belt line.

Decided to do the typical "JC Penny" shot!

Lots of great patterns in this book! I'm going to make another of these hoodies in red!

New Patterns!

2011-10-13T10:46:00.000-07:00

A couple of brand new patterns are up at on the Knit Picks website! We had this incredibly fun shoot in a factory where they manufacture metal roofing! The coolest part was that the entire factory was run on solar power!

Here are some pics! The gray legwarmers pattern isn't up yet. It's being "prettied up" and test knit. Should be up by the end of the month!

A shrug with heart detail on the sleeves

Some cool legwarmers

And this pattern, which will be (hopefully) up very soon!

I am loving Knit Picks Independent Designer Program! So much fun!

So this just happened...

2011-09-22T11:31:00.000-07:00

Customer walks into shop. She orders her drink, then this happens:

Customer: I tried to come by and get a chai last week, but the door was locked and no one would come to the door!
Me: Really? What time was it?
Customer: 8:30
Me: Oh I'm sorry! We close at 8pm!
Customer: I know THAT, but there were still workers inside! They were counting money at the counter.
Me: *blink blink*
Customer: I just thought you should know. Next time they see me at the door they better unlock it! I'm cranky without my chai you know!
Me: *blink blink* I'm sorry, if it's after close they shut everything down so that, you know, they can go home...They can't open back up, especially after they're doing the register. It's for their safety.
Customer: Well, I can't make it on Tuesdays before 830
Me: *blink*
Customer: Have a good day! See you next Tuesday right????
Me: *blink*

Want a sneak peek?

2011-09-20T07:41:00.000-07:00

Knit Picks has Knits for Nerds available for pre-order right now! Not only that, but click "View More Images" for a sneak peek at some of the patterns!

Warrior Dash!

2011-08-15T11:14:00.000-07:00

A few months back, I heard about this goofy sounding race called Warrior Dash.
I didn't know much about it. Just that if you signed up, you got a viking helmet, a tee shirt, and a beer. Why not? I could use a viking helmet!

Decided that I had better start running, to prepare for this thing. Discovered that I HATE running. Even more than I remembered ever hating running. My brother, suggested that I look into Vibrams which have got to be the goofiest looking shoes that I have ever seen. Decided it was worth a shot, and bought a pair.

Holy hell! LOVE THEM! The most comfortable shoes I have ever run in, period. My knee pain, which has always been damn near disabling when I run, completely went away. Armed with the Couch to 5K app on my phone, I became a running fool this summer. Over 100 degrees out? I ran until I saw spots. Raining? I would wait for it to just be drizzling, and out I would go.
Then one day, I noticed my stride felt kind of choppy. After about 3 miles, I got back home, and when I started walking, felt PAIN! Got inside, and saw this:

It was a little swollen...

Now. Here is the part where I admit to all of you what an idiot I am. I don't handle "resting" very well. I played roller derby with a fractured shoulder that was constantly popping out of it's socket. When I was told not to use that shoulder, I started doing one armed push ups instead of regular push ups. (see, technically NOT using that shoulder)
So it shouldn't have been a surprise that, when the swelling went down a little the next day, I went for another 3 mile run. Which made it swell more. Which made me frustrated, so I would run on it AGAIN. See? Idiocy.
Pretty soon my ankle looked like this:

Gross right?

So learned my lesson. Took the week before Warrior Dash completely off.

Then.. it was time! This was honestly one of the most fun days I have had! I am now a mud running junkie! Check out all the pics of the insanity!

The mud at the end. This dude carried a shield and spear through the entire course. We fell in love with him a little bit.

This guy is a good example of "before" cleaning up in the lake. Dill is modeling the viking helmet you got for signing up. Also his shirt? Was totally white before the race. I don't think it'll ever be white again.

See? Before picture with our friend Chris. White shirt.

My face. It was muddy.

Those flames were actually kind of intimidating. I thought the fire jump would be mostly for show. But no. There were two sets of flames, that were actually pretty darn high! It was a little scary actually!

This was AFTER cleaning mud off myself. There was no getting clean. Two showers later and I still found mud up my nose. Dill found some in his ear that night when we were out drinking.

We hung at the Warrior site for a while. There was a great band from Chicago, playing Irish Rock! They had crappy beer though, (I did drink one, since it was free for finishing the race) and no veggie friendly food. So we decided to go home, clean up, and go to Shallo's in Greenwood for food and beer.

Bless the bartender at Shallo's. They have a total lack of vegetarian friendly food, so I ordered two house salads, since I was starving. The bartender offered to make me one GIGANTIC salad instead. It was amazing.

And we drank beer. Lots, and lots of beer. Okay, I had 4 beers. But for me that is lots and lots of beer.

I am now a mud race addict. Signed up for another one called Rebel Race in September. Also getting a team together for Tough Mudder next year. That one is 12 miles, and looks a little extreme. I'm all over it!

If you get a chance to do something like Warrior Dash, I highly recommend it! We had an absolute blast! Even Dill, who I somewhat dragged kicking and screaming into this adventure!

Boring interchangeable needles post

2011-08-03T06:57:00.000-07:00

Sorry. Not a fun post about trekking off to the woods in Wisconsin, or my fabulous horse and his incredible mane of hair, or my wacky coffee shop customers. This is a practical, informative, knitting needle post. Not nearly as much fun, but useful for those googling what the heck kind of interchangeable needles to buy!

The first interchangeable needles I ever bought were the Denise Boyle ones that can be found in any big box craft store. They look like this:

I would post a pic of my actual set, but they are tear stained, tangled, and the majority of them are probably in the garbage. It never failed that I would be knitting along on a project only to realize that the damn things had come unscrewed and my stitches were dropping. I would knit 2 stitches, tighten the needle, knit 2 stitches, tighten the needle. Very frustrating set.
Then I bought the Denise Interchangeable needle set.

LOVE these needles. They click and lock in, as opposed to screwing on. Never have fallen apart while knitting, great needles, but limited sizes. Not a huge fan of the plastic tips, but the fact that they don't fall still makes them a good buy. My biggest problem with those is that I got into magic loop knitting and knitting two circular items at once. (The sleeves of a sweater, or arm warmers for example) The cable on these needles is so thick, it's impossible to do any sort of magic loop knitting.

Then Knit Picks had a sale on these:

Options Interchangeable Zephyr Acrylic Circular Knitting Needle Set from KnitPicks.com - Clear knitting needles with needle case

Options acrylic needles:

Super flexible cables. They do screw in, however after several weeks of knitting with them I haven't had one come loose on me. The only downside with these needles is I wish I had just sprung for the wooden or metal ones. I'm not a huge fan of the acrylic tips on these guys. For the price I paid, I'm fine with it. But I'm going to save up for another set. The nice thing about these is I can use the same cables on the wooden or metal tips they sell!

So, if you're into magic loop knitting, or large circular items, the knit picks interchangeable needles are the way to go. They also have an option to try all three tips:
http://www.knitpicks.com/needles/TRY_IT_Needle_Set__D90589.html?intmedid=NeedleHome-SubAd-TINS

I recommend that if you're unsure.

Right. Super boring informative post DONE! Next time I'll blog about the wine tasting we went on which ended in doing surgery on a stupid frog that swallowed a plastic plant. (Don't fear, he's still alive) Not that we WANTED to do surgery on the frog. But if we didn't, he would have died. But again, that's another post!

My brilliant brother....

2011-07-16T04:36:00.000-07:00

I never take enough time to tell you all how brilliant my brother is. He wrote an amazing article, and, despite the fact that he convinced me to play "beauty parlor" and cut all my hair off when I was 4, I'm going to go all proud little sis and brag on him.

Go read this article. It's awesome.

An Eastern Orthodox defense of gay marriage

You were meant to be a derby girl if...

2011-07-11T07:28:00.000-07:00

1. You have an aversion to pants.

2. When you jump off a bridge, you try to convince everyone else to jump off it as well. Even if you broke your leg in the fall.

3. After the cast comes off your leg, you jump off the bridge again.

4. Instead of dancing, you have this insane urge to talk everyone into making a human pyramid when you go out to bars.

5. You have often been described as "bat shit crazy" by your friends and family.

6. You have often been described as "the quiet one" by your friends and family.

7. You have often been described as "a nice normal girl" by your friends and family.

8. You don't know what leg wrestling IS exactly, but something deep inside of you stirs when you hear the words, and you know you want it to be the solution to every single argument you will ever have.

9. You've always thought there was something beautiful about a bruise.

10.When shopping, you have an urge to check people that are in your way.

11. Ditto for driving.

Any other additions anyone can think of? It's a hard list to put together, since so many girls are MEANT TO BE derby girls. They just don't know it yet.

WE HAVE A COVER!!!!

2011-07-05T07:54:00.000-07:00

Knits for Nerds is up with it's COVER on amazon now! Check it out! The hottie modeling is Michelle Pemberton, aka Red Rockett of Naptown Roller Girls fame!

Shearing the llama

2011-06-29T09:55:00.000-07:00

Ever wondered what it sounds like when you shave a llama??? I know you have!

AND

Like a freaky dinosaur right???

We're both happier though. I'm gonna have yarn and Flippy is gonna be cooler!

Ernie got a haircut!

2011-06-17T14:50:00.000-07:00

Ernie the Super Puppy gets HOT in the summer. So we took him to Greg The Groomer, who works next door to the coffee shop.

This is Ernie before his haircut.

This is Ernie after

Isn't he the cutest thing ever??? But more important, he's no longer acting like a hot, grouchy, 17 year old dog! He's acting like a puppy again! Sleeping through the night, no more panting, and running and playing with Sassy Burrito!

Next up for a haircut? Flippy the llama!!!

But I love you BOTH!

2011-06-12T15:44:00.000-07:00

Saturday I went to see my friend Sockems Razor, who is yet another girl friend that I have dragged into roller derby. It seemed like a perfect fit. She's you know, a GIRL, and there's you know.. DERBY. So Roller Derby Girl!
Actually she loves it. So she tells me. She's just started playing for the Bleeding Heartland Code Blue Assassins.
She had a great game, and she's got great potential as a roller girl. Which makes me happy. It would have sucked to talk my friend into doing this sport and have it not work right? Luckily, she's good.
The team she was playing was Demolition City from Evansville Indiana. I love Demo City. They are sweet freaking girls, and they have a few really talented girls on their team. Also they have Shelby N. Pain. In hot pants. I know what you're thinking. It's roller derby! There are lots of girls in hot pants! But you're only saying that if you've never seen Shelby N. Pain in hot pants. It's a beautiful sight.
But I digress.
It's very hard to watch a team you love, bout against another team you love. Friends on both teams. Respect for both teams. Who the heck do you cheer for?
I had to settle for just rooting on whichever team was doing something good in each jam. Unless my friend was in that jam, then I was rooting 100% for her.
Demolition City ended up loosing both bouts. The B team was a really big point spread loss, the A game was much closer.
I ended up cornering some of the Demo City girls in the bathroom and giving them some pointers for their next game. Because the mistakes I saw them make could be SO EASILY fixed, and they wouldn't have lost. But then of course, my friends team would have.
It's a hard thing to do. I've almost always had a very clear idea of who I was rooting for in a derby bout. This was my first experience being kind of lost as to who I was cheering for.

Regardless, both teams did a great job. If you get a chance to see Bloomington, do it. They've come a really, really long way this year. Some of their jammers are just an absolute joy to watch. They are leaping through the air more than they actually have their skates on the ground!
Demo City just needs to deepen their jammer bench, and work on their pack communication. I see a good rematch in the future! And of course, I will still have no freaking idea who to root for. I may just settle for watching Shelby N. Pain in her hot pants.

The joy of RiffTrax!

2011-06-10T05:04:00.000-07:00

Our friend Paul is a pretty awesome nerd. He's always discovering something nerdy (cool) for us. He used to work at the gaming store where they sell cards and board games and miniatures.
We learned to trust his suggestions for fun things to do when he brought over a game called The Settlers of Catan that we really, really didn't want to play because "omg it looks so LAME" which quickly turned into "omg, best game EVER".
So when Paul asked if we wanted to watch Twilight during our normal Thursday night hangout we were a little surprised, but open to hearing his plan. He then he pointed us to RiffTrax. Watching Twilight with RiffTrax was the FUNNIEST thing ever! It's basically the guys from MST3K doing what they do, making fun of movies.
It was hilarious! I highly recommend getting Twilight (Single-Disc Edition) and the Riff Track http://www.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/twilight and check them out! We totally enjoyed it. (Of course, I was very drunk on flat beer... so take that for what it's worth)!

Because I promised

2011-06-10T04:24:00.000-07:00

Took this picture of Starkey the other day. Thanks to my employee Carly, I can not look at this picture without getting that damn "Whip My Hair" song stuck in my head!

Is it okay for me to be very, very jealous of his hair?

Graveminder!

2011-06-09T05:20:00.000-07:00

So everyone knows I like books by Melissa Marr. Previously, she's only released YA books, and Graveminder is her first adult fiction. And let me sidetrack with a little rant here. I read YA fiction. Not all the time, but just because a book is labeled YA does not mean it isn't GOOD for adults as well! Her novel, Wicked Lovely was an awesome book! I adored it! Sucked me right in, and she managed to continue the story in future books while still branching out to other characters.
So I was very excited to get her new book, Graveminder, when it came out. I downloaded it onto my Kindle (as previously discussed in other blog posts, I read on my kindle so I can knit and read at the same time. If the book is really good, I still end up buying a hard copy for the bookshelf)
For me, this book took a little longer to get sucked into than Wicked Lovely. It kind started with a bang, then slowed down, then REALLY picked back up again. I imagine it's going to be called a zombie book, but it's not really. Her "hungry dead" are a lot more than zombies. They think, albeit not always with clarity. Lots of the strange, supernatural meets world we live in stuff.
Anyway, totally recommend it. It probably goes without saying that I'm going to buy a hard copy for the bookshelf! Also I am very aware that I promised a horse hair post. But I got distracted by finishing this book last night. So I promise, next post, all mini horse hair, all the time!

Birthday post!

2011-06-08T06:29:00.000-07:00

Had my birthday on Sunday! It was a great weekend for it!
Saturday was derby prom (no pics yet, but I had on blue glitter shoes, and we stole the keg during a lightening storm)
Sunday we took the day off of work. I told Dill I wanted him to make German Chocolate Cupcakes for my birthday. He bought me a German chocolate cake. Close enough I say.

Lounged and hung out all day then it was time for STEVE POLTZ! One of my favorite musicians, and I found out he was playing that Sunday night at Local's Only! Great birthday present right? So I went, and it was the best show ever. Drank a few too many gin and tonics though. But I did knit a hat during the show! Productive AND a lush!

Me and Steve Poltz! My face goes all squinty when I'm drunk.

That's Neil. He used to play drums in my band. Hadn't seen him in years so it was great to get to do a shot with him!

Lorraine wasn't at my birthday, which was sad. She did however, send me messages saying "GET OFF TWITTER NOW"! because she knows me, and knows when I should.

My next blog post will be all about my horse Starkey and his hair. Kid you not.

Dill Hero's first customer complaint!

2011-06-02T09:36:00.000-07:00

There are things we know at our coffee shop. I belong behind the bar, making the drinks. Dill belongs up front, dealing with people. His BS tolerance is much, much better than mine in stressful situations. I can make amazing drinks very quickly when the pressure is on, Dill can handle the line in a super chipper manner. See in business, you have to know your weakness and your strength. Still, despite his near saint-like ability to handle the crazy that can come, Mr. Dill Her0 got his FIRST OFFICIAL COMPLAINT!!!!

It's the end of an era. He is no longer the nice one! Actually, he still is. Right now he's up front hanging out with our customers, talking computer games, despite a phone call saying how gruff he was with someone.

Here's what happened.
Saturday morning we were EXTREMELY busy. A huge drink order came in. People with children. Children are a known element in this business. We know they are going to act up. The unknown element is the parents. How will they handle their children? 90% of the time, parents are quick to handle their kids, and keep them in line. The other 10% of the time WE have to watch the kids, and make sure they aren't wreaking havoc in the shop. (I once was scolded and called "mean" for telling a child to stop dancing on top of the table. Seriously)
In this case, a dad set his child on the counter. (and by sitting on the counter, her feet, dirty shoes and all, are also on the counter) He was then looking for the menu, which was under the child's butt. Dill said, "The menu is under your kid, and actually, it's not a good idea to have her sitting on the counter, board of health and safety issues you know". So the kid is removed from the counter, order is being taken. Out of the corner of his eye, Dill sees kid jumping up and grabbing yarn out of the top of the yarn display. Say's quickly to the child (while yarn is now on the floor) "You can't play with the yarn, please don't touch that". Then goes back to taking the order.

Finally, order is taken, out the door they go, crazy rush continues for several more hours.

Today, I get a phone call saying that Dill behaved as if children weren't welcomed in the shop. According to this customer, the kid had been on the counter for less than 2 seconds before the Dad was rudely asked to get the kid down, (according to the security video, it was actually close to 4 minutes) and child had barely touched the yarn before being snapped at not to touch it.

Luckily, we have security video, so I was able to watch the tape and see what really happened, but it's funny how offended people get when you question their child's behavior. I was informed by this person,(who wasn't actually here when all this happened) that Dill should have said, calmly and quietly, "Look, it's a silly board of health thing, but we can't have the kid on the counter. I'm so sorry about that." And while I most definitely take her suggestion into consideration, how about the SAFETY of perching a kid on a high counter? Or the fact, that watching the video, the kid was punching the cookies, flipping cards around, etc.

We expect a little bit of chaos from children. They're CHILDREN. They're going to be a little bit nutty, especially when there are two 300 gallon fish tanks, and cookies baking, and people everywhere, and music... we expect a little bit of madness. But it's also not fair to us, or our other customers, to have kids standing on the couches, destroying product, or being in unsafe situations with no help from the parents in controlling them!

Look, I love kids. We love the kids that come in here too! (Dill even trades vending machine toys with one of our customers kids, Mary, who is one of the best behaved kids I've ever seen)
I'm not a parent, but I would have a couple dozen of the little monsters if I could. So I don't know exactly how it is to take your kids in public. I do know that my niece and nephews are the smartest, best kids in the entire world. Seriously. my niece let go of her pacifier like a champ. NASA is standing by waiting to hire her as soon as she learns her long division. They are amazing munchkins. They're also not perfect little saints when they go out in public. (Ironically enough, this is usually Dill's fault, as he has been known to start impromptu wrestling sessions with my nephews). So don't be embarrassed if your kid acts up in public. Handle it, and if an owner, manager, or worker has to tell your kid not to do something harmful to product (do you really want to pay for a $20 skein of hand spun yarn that your child destroys?) don't get mad at them, they're trying to protect their workplace and your child, all at the same time!

So Dill Her0, after reviewing the video, I'm not gonna write you up THIS time! But due to this complaint, you aren't getting a raise this year.

Proof that Dill is the instigator in all of my nephews public misdeeds:

PS- let me also add I'm not mad at this person for complaining. As stated, they weren't actually here to see what was really going on, and they heard it second hand from the person who was here. Things get kind of exaggerated sometimes, and they really were trying to alert us to what they felt might be a problem in our customer service. Just because I disagree, doesn't mean I don't appreciate what they were trying to do.

Memories...

2011-05-31T08:08:00.000-07:00

Dill and I decide to have an epic cleaning day yesterday. I got rid of lots and lots of clothing, cleaned out the bedroom closet, and we both worked on the garage.
Found a box of my school days stuff. Painful, awkward, and slightly awesome.
The notes passed in Jr. High were hilarious. From my friend "T"
"I am in LOOOVE! Do you like Jason the way I like Dan? Do you want me to ask Dan to ask Jason if he likes you? You guys should so go out!"

It goes on like that for quite a while. But the very next note I found from "T" says:

"I HATE HATE HATE Jason. He is such a jerk"!

Oh painful teen years. I do not miss you even a little bit.

Also found my old player sheets from playing Vampire Masquerade, and my Crow trading cards. This probably explains why Jason never did go out with me....

From the box:

I remember getting those tapes. I had a cd player, but couldn't find the Sex Pistols on cd. So I had to beg my dad for a tape deck, which I think baffled the heck out of him. But he found an old one for me to use, so I could blare my punk music with sufficient raspy lo-fi quality.

Book News!

2011-05-20T04:47:00.000-07:00

Hey look! My new book is already getting some blog love! KnitKitten

So yes, the new book is a nerdy, geeky, knitting book! It'll have tons of fun projects, and some AMAZING photos, set in a really cool location!

Can't wait for it to come out!

The Mega Church (may be ranty)

2011-05-19T07:36:00.000-07:00

I have friends of almost all faiths. I've got Pagan friends, Christian friends, Catholic friends, Jewish friends, atheist friends, and the "well, maybe there is something, maybe not. Let us ponder this over a beer" friends.

The past decade or so, I've been considered pretty laid back by most of my friends regarding religion. But lately, I've been ranting more and more about the "mega church" and why I think it's not only a bad Christian institution, but why I think it's bad for the community in general.

With apologies to my numerous friends who attend and love these churches, I've seen them personally hurt my business, and nearby businesses. In most cases I don't think it's intentional, but it is happening.

Every mega church decides to put in a coffee shop. Since it's under the umbrella of the church, they don't pay taxes the way my coffee shop has to.
So here is a coffee shop, making profit and not getting taxed. They take business from myself, and from other local coffee shops. Not only that, but I have yet to see a single church coffee shop in our area use a local roaster! How does this support their local economic community?

Now the latest trend, at least where we live, are the church fitness centers. Again, not taxed, so they practically give away memberships. $100 a year for a family of four? Who wouldn't sign up for that???
Meanwhile, other gyms are closing down. So again, mega church using an unfair tax advantage and hurting their local community businesses.

However it's not just the impact on the local economy. I think one of the biggest problems, is that these giant churches, with the coffee house, the day care, the fitness center, the gift shop, and oh yea, a place of worship, no longer require the thing that used to make me admire Christianity so much. Bravery.

What's the braver scenario? A Christian running on a treadmill in their church, next to another member of their congregation, discussing grabbing a coffee on the downstairs level of the church, where maybe they will meet up with other members of the congregation?
OR
A Christian running on a treadmill at a gym. The person next to them can't get their treadmill to work. The Christian helps them out. Every day they run side by side and talk. The Christian is a good example of Christianity. They are kind, they are courteous, they are in general, a good person to be around. The subject of faith comes up. Christian invites non Christian out to discuss things over a coffee, at the local coffee shop. In public. Other people are around. Maybe they'll hear the discussion and ask questions.

The funny thing is I see this brave scenario more with teenagers than I do with adults. All the bible study groups that meet in my shop seem to be teenagers. And when other teenagers try to put them down or snark about their faith, they might get more emotional than an adult would, but they stand their ground, and explain their beliefs.

Maybe I just don't understand the point of the mega church. It seems to create a bubble around the church, so the congregation never has to leave, or go out in the community, or have their faith questioned by someone who might not necessarily believe or understand the things they believe. Once again, it no longer requires bravery, which I think should be a trait in people of all faiths. I would rather see a congregation out and integrated in the community, leading by example.

Leading by example is at least one of the reasons I'm so jazzed up about this subject lately. It's not just their business impacting my business. It's also the people I see that run at least one of these churches. Without going into too much detail, there is local person that set up a fake website (we had the .net of our name, he snagged the .com of our name) and pretended to be my coffee shop. He does espresso bar catering (as I do) and when someone would email, making it very, very clear they thought they were addressing Strange Brew Coffee, he would pretend to be the owner of Strange Brew and book the catering job.

That is one very, very small example of what he does. Every time we catch him at something, we have to pony up to our lawyer to get him to stop. Trying to purchase real estate under our name, impersonating us in emails, purchasing product under our account causing me to get a past due bill... it goes on and on.

What's my point? This man is the director of worship ministries at a local church. In fact, he has "been a transformational leader of God's people in worship". This church isn't a mega church yet, but they want to be. With this type of businessman leading the way.

I know that in 9 times out of 10 these sort of places build up from the best intentions. I just have to wonder if those running the show see or consider the impact it has on their local community.

New Spinning!

2011-04-15T08:50:00.000-07:00

I've been carding, combing, dying and spinning these past two weeks! Here's a sneak preview of what's going to be uploaded to the hand spun section of Cafe Yarns next week!

This is a worsted weight yarn, about 310 yards in bright pink, yellow, and orange! I loved, loved, loved spinning it!

I went a little more muted with this bulky yarn! Brown and blue tones, about 168 yards.

I loved doing this one as well and didn't feel the need to wear sunglasses while spinning it!

Hopefully I'll get the site updated after the weekend. There are tons of new rovings and yarn to post!

Reunited and it feels so... weird.

2011-04-08T11:44:00.000-07:00

Once in a while I miss playing music. It was fun. I was crazy and obnoxious and it was nice to for a shy girl to feel like a rock star onstage.
So when some friends mentioned that they might want my old band Chuck Marten to get together for a reunion show, I said "Why not"?

I think it'll be sometime late this summer, or early fall. We're trying to get some of the original people to sign on. (There was kind of a revolving door thing happening with singers and drummers)
In the mean time, I need to dust off my old bass and hope like hell I remember how to play!

Who wants a hint?

2011-03-22T11:43:00.000-07:00

At what I've been doing lately? Marc blogs a blog about a super secret weekend!

http://www.lebryk.com/friends/in-the-barn/

Double Header Victory for Naptown!

2011-03-14T12:51:00.000-07:00

NRG won a double header against Brew City Saturday night. But the most important thing? There was a tee-shirt cannon.

which meant that I got to pretend I was one of those hot chicks in "Sucker Punch" for a minute.

And at the bout, there was THIS girl.

who was wearing an Amanda Effing Palmer WE ARE THE MEDIA shirt. All of that combined meant that the entire night was just full of win!

Way to go Naptown! Way to go tee shirt cannon! And way to go awesome Amanda Palmer fan!!!

What I did last weekend

2011-02-21T07:23:00.001-08:00

Last weekend I made the trek to see the Naptown Roller Girls Third Alarm play the Chippewa Valley Roller Girls. Booked a flight, and after much twitter hilarity found Lorraine awaiting me at the MN airport.

She took me to see her boss man, who made us dinner, and ended up asking to go along to the roller derby as well!
His account of that is HERE. It was fun explaining what was going on to him, and by the end of the bout he was cheering all on his own and seemed to actually enjoy the derby! Plus I am now forever a rock star for getting NRG to take a picture with Neil.

It should also be mentioned that before the derby, Neil hung me upside down by my ankles. Not as some part of gothic torture mind you. He put together an inversion table, Daisy and I were hanging out and watching him and his friend Dr. Dan work on it, and giggling at the British accent meets instruction manual we were hearing. Then Neil said, "Joan how much do you weigh?" When I told him, he said, "Yup. You're the lightest, get on. Lets make sure it doesn't fall apart".

Since I didn't die, he decided it was safe for everyone else, and we all had a go!

I stayed with Lorraine over the weekend, and her pretty kitties. No, that's not a euphemism for anything, look!

We not only worked out like mad, went horse back riding (I fell off, but got a free hat, so THAT'S okay)but we wandered into the woods. We saw the White Witch and Mr. Tumnus...

And I proved that Lola CAN be noble...

Until she sees something shiny...

and starts a snow fight with Cabal

And this. THIS is why I want to move north.

It also doesn't hurt that my friend is there. And living hours and hours away from a friend SUCKS.

Our little gnome friend has survived his move to the great white north.

The weekend was spent with lots of working out, cooking, and skating of course. (there is a bouncy castle in the rink. I kid you not.) Skating ended when some idiot decided to start skating while carrying his NEWBORN BABY! I had a panic attack and was done. I do not want to be in any way responsible for someone hurting their kid in a rink. I swear this happens at every single rink I go to!

Parents, you are not God. You trip, you fall and you can not control the actions of those around you. If you skate while carrying a baby (lets not even get into the whole, in rentals, obviously not a great skater thing) something could happen. DO NOT DO IT!!!!

Right. Back to work. Photo shoots are coming up soon, including an amazing and cool shoot that I'm really, really excited about! But can't blog about because, you know, you need to see it in the book!

Instead of a blog, I give you... LINKS!

2011-02-16T07:04:00.000-08:00

Blog coming. Promise. Spent the weekend with Lorraine, in which we took in the derby with her boss and our friend Daisy.

LINK TO NEIL TALKING ABOUT THE BOUT

And spent the rest of the time hanging with Lorraine, cooking lots of healthy food, having her trainer kick my ass, and falling off a pony.

LINK TO LORRAINE TALKING ABOUT THE WEEKEND

I have lots of pictures, and lots to talk about, but first I have lots to catch up on.

Do you have room in your life for a horse?

2011-02-02T04:47:00.000-08:00

These horses are going to slaughter THIS Saturday. Please help if you can! I've copied this from a facebook page, since the fb link doesn't seem to work for everyone.

Attention! Please help!!!! Horses are going to slaughter on Saturday 2/5/11.

FREE to good home call 440-463-4288.

Dr. Stearns, DVM passed away & his son wants everything liquidated immediately, leftover horses that are not sold go to slaughter THIS Sat.

Currently of 52 horses there are still 23 mares some w babies on board, stud is 16.3 TB Stud Conley Key.

All FREE and papered. Call 440-463-42880, 57882 Wright Rd, Barnesville, OH

(This is all the info I have for now - please share this until I can update w/new info - call the number directly if you are serious about giving these animals a home!)

UPDATE: ALL the horses have been adopted! I now have the biggest smile on my face!

Random Picture Post

2011-01-25T14:05:00.000-08:00

It's been forever since I've done a random picture post!

Here is the lovely Princess, who kept me company at night up North, in the big spooky house that (even though I don't believe in haunted houses) was totally haunted. She trained me to turn the bathroom faucet on for her, and was totally deaf.

I stole this picture from Lorraine. She took a pic of me with darling Cabal. Who is very noble and wise, and liked to lay down on my foot. All 80 bajillion pounds of him.

This is Starkey. Back when it was warm. Long, long ago. He has hair that would put most metal bands to shame.

This is me, playing against Sioux Falls in a sanctioned scrimmage. We won by 200 points. It was freaking awesome.

Tom Klubens took that photo. He is also pretty awesome.

Right. Back to work with me. I have lots of patterns that need to be triple checked, then sent back to my tech editor. Math. Lots of math to be done.

Any volunteers want to do it for me so I can continue procrastinating? No? Darn.

New Kindle Case!

2011-01-19T05:22:00.000-08:00

So, for those of you that don't follow me on twitter and missed my rant about this, a couple weeks ago Hillbilly kitty decided to climb inside my purse and pee.
On my yarn.
And my money.
And my KINDLE!!!!

Dill took the kindle apart and cleaned it (luckily most of the pee went onto the case) put it in a bag of rice and left it for a couple of days. When he put it back together, it worked!

However I opted not to save the case. It was an ugly green thing that used to be a day planner, I just had ripped out the outdated calendar. Since I needed a new one, I decided to find it on ETSY!!!

I figured it wouldn't be too hard. I wanted one that zipped on three sides, fit a Kindle 2, had an owl print, and fabric bits at the square to hold the kindle in place.

Okay, so I'm a little specific when I shop.

Luckily, found this site, where they were happy to make one of their cases for the Kindle 2.

I ordered Friday, it showed up Tuesday, and I love it!

Pics!

highly recommend this shop if you're looking for a kindle case!

Lorraine Blogs Derby!

2011-01-19T02:56:00.001-08:00

Lorraine came to visit again, and she did a blog! Go check it out here!

It's been so long!

2010-12-28T03:44:00.000-08:00

I have been so bad about posting lately! In my defense, I am working on the new book, so everything is a bit hectic right now. Doing the edits with the tech editor, plotting the photo shoot, etc, etc.

Lorraine has come to visit me twice now. She came here for our bout against the Chicago Outfit (and got to see us STOMP them) and she came down for Christmas. It was absolutely wonderful. She gave Dill and I custom mugs that her sister made, which say Strange Brew Coffee and have our names on them . She and Neil also went shopping in "the attic" and gave Dill, Jane, Kerrie, and myself some truly wonderful toe curling fan girl squealing gifts.

I subjected everyone to my baking experiments since I now own THIS:

Made bagels:

And pizza, and butternut squash pierogi. All from scratch. It was wonderful. I like that our Christmas is an odd mish mash of friends who are just like family coming around and hanging out, watching Twilight Zone and ranting about how sexist the movie Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is.

I let Lorraine go back home, against my better judgment. She kept saying things like, "job, boss, responsibility" and I finally relented. I only sent her with enough coffee to last a few weeks though, so she will have to come back for more. All part of my evil plans I assure you.

I'll try to be better about posting. Lots and lots keeps happening, and in my head, I have a blog. But actually sitting down and getting time to write one out is proving challenging!

I will be very happy...

2010-12-03T03:40:00.000-08:00

In mere hours. Because this person is coming to see me!
Go read her blog about coming to see her first derby bout and how excited she is. Go on. I'll wait right here.

Done?

Good!
I am jumping out of my skin with excitement. Lorraine is the kind of friend, that when I posted on twitter that I needed to figure out how to get home from Chicago she came up with a Sensible Plan.
She would drive about 5 or 6 hours to come get me, take me home with her to spend a fun filled weekend full of big white dogs and zombies in the yard, then I would fly home. Very Sensible plan really.
Anyway, I have not seen her since House on the Rock, and with a friend like Lorraine, that is way too much time between visits.

If you want, follow both of us on twitter. It's the best way to watch our adventures unfold this weekend.
ME

Lorraine

What Sassy Ate Today

2010-11-29T04:52:00.000-08:00

This is Sassy at the emergency vet on Saturday!

Our house is primarily vegetarian. I'm the one who usually cooks, and I haven't eaten meat in about 18 years so needless to say, we are not a meat and potatoes kind of family.

Dill however, is a meat eater. Once in a while he leaves and gets a hamburger, or chicken, or fish, and eats it. No big deal, except the animals tend to go a little crazy. Actual MEAT instead of dry food makes them start prowling around Dill and yowling or whining for whatever he has.

Thanksgiving, we hosted our annual "Misfit Thanksgiving" for ourselves and our friends who don't have family nearby, or whose family goes out of town, or who simply need a beer break in between family functions.
There was tofurkey, potato salad, fresh baked bread, ribs, wings, and chicken. We all had a wonderful time, ate too much, played lots of rock band, and Dill punched a cup cake.
The next day we dashed off to work, locking the dogs in "their room".
When we came home, we discovered the dogs had managed to get into the trash (broken baby lock we had not yet replaced) and ate coffee grinds and CHICKEN BONES.
Ugh.

Ernie, who has a very sensitive stomach, threw everything up about 2 in the morning in bed. Sassy, who has an iron stomach, had an "accident" about 230 in the morning on the fresh sheets. Then another in front of the bedroom door, another in the kitchen, and another, and another...
At some point we realized that there was blood, and got worried. Not too worried, since, Sassy being Sassy, this has happened to her before. (When she ate the jewel case for the cd actually)
We decided to see if it would stop with the next round. When 2 rounds later, there was still a LOT of blood, I started calling emergency vets.

The first emergency vet said that since she was still drinking, acting chipper (she was bouncing around, wanting to play, jumping on us, etc) to keep an eye on her and call if she started acting lethargic.

We should have listened to her.

We panicked, and called a different emergency vet. They freaked out, told me to bring her in RIGHT NOW, etc, bad doggy parent for waiting this long, etc.

An x-ray and 4 hours later, we were told that she was fine, and unless she started acting lethargic to bring her back in.

Now. Here is my complaint. I'm glad my dog was fine. Really glad. BUT, when I took Starkey to Purdue, after hours, emergency colic, etc, he had an iv, fluids, 4 days of board, 24 hour care, feed, a companion animal, blood work, x-rays, essentially everything he could need to ensure his health and happiness from one of the top animal hospitals in the country.

The cost of ALL of that and a 4 day stay at Purdue was cheaper than 4 HOURS at the emergency vet. MUCH cheaper actually.

So lesson learned. Next time Sassy eats something bad, I'm just going to feed her to the horse.

Bee Pics!

2010-11-22T10:07:00.001-08:00

Okay look. I know I was supposed to post this forever ago, when all of a sudden, my book deadline appeared! So I had to turn it in. Which was madness. Not to mention work, derby, etc, etc.

So here is a pic heavy post of bee keeping. Because of bee keeping day, Kerrie and Dill want to put bees in my backyard. Jane and I are insisting that if they get bees, we get chickens and put them in Jane's backyard.

Featured in the pics, Jouni, Kerrie, Dill, myself, Jane Ire, and of course, The Fabulous Lorraine. (Featuring guest appearances from Cabal and Lola)

Kerrie and Dill both handled bees with their bare hands AND let the bees eat off their fingers. It was disturbing.

Then we took our frame of honey back and ATE ALL OF IT! (Okay, we ate some. We put the rest in jars)

We made dinner. It was a yummy mexican food feast!

I'll post videos of bee adventures... sometime. They're funny. Lots of people doing bee things, with me manning the camera going, "Oh my GODDDD!!! EEEP! BEEE! AH!"

House on the Rock Part 3

2010-11-05T11:28:00.000-07:00

We had Very Big Plans for day three of our adventure! We were going to go skate with the Madison Roller Girls! Not only did they invite Jane and I to scrimmage with the Dairyland Dolls as they prepped for Nationals, they also invited us to participate in their league practice!
We stole Lorraine from her boss, and took her with us to derby day! She watched as we practiced for hours and hours! It was SUCH a great practice too! The Mad Rollin' Dolls have this great energy that you can just feel when you walk in! They were amazing to skate with, and really, really nice. I have a derby crush on them now.

After the official practice, we stayed for the open skate with Lorraine! She did great! This girl could turn on her skates, and every time she started to fall, she crouched and got low instead! She is going to be a demon when she gets her skills up!

The very awesome Allie Gator giving Lorraine some pointers.

I seriously hope that I get to skate with these girls again sometime. I felt like I not only learned a lot, but it was a great confidence boost to skate with another league and do pretty well! It was very "freeing" to not be stressed about a roster and just have FUN! Ironically, I felt like I was skating better since I wasn't stressed about a coach watching and judging me!

After that, we went out with Allie for FOOD!!!! Then it was back to Neil's who was by now on a plane to see the Dresden Dolls, but graciously didn't mind a bunch of people taking over his house!

We hung out with Dan Guy, Jounie, Kitty, Lorraine, and the dogs, Lola and Cabal and watched The Walking Dead!!!!!

During that, we got an email, with a video, from our Tip Gnome at the coffee shop. Alarmed, we played it to see what the heck was going on with our employees!

Unfortunately I can't embed the video here, but you MUST click this link and watch it.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=10150296081895492

We were a bit zombified ourselves, so it was an early night for us!

Tomorrows post will be all about BEES!!!!!

Edit! Haha! Dill uploaded it to youtube for me!

House on the Rock Part 2

2010-11-04T04:05:00.000-07:00

Saturday

I started off Saturday waking up early, followed by a phone call about ten minutes later from Lorraine. A very plaintive, sleepy voice was asking me, "chai"???
Having brought some of my wonderful chai from Strange Brew and some soy milk, I was fully prepared to be everyone's personal chai monkey for the weekend!
I had a handy dandy frother, so I steamed up a couple mugs of chai and ran it up to Lorraine's room! We had some hang out time, then she had to WORK.

While she worked wrangling Neil's amazing LONG autograph line, we met up with Daisy and ran around the house!

Daisy on the Wolf

Once Lorraine had some down time, we were able to kidnap her and get her in some skates!

She writes an awesome blog about it here

Lorraine, being INCREDIBLY clever, decided to get the whole falling thing over with right away. Smart woman.

Skating was brief, as Lorraine had to work. After skating and a bit of rushing around and car juggling, we swiped her boss and went out for a quick dinner, then Lorraine and Neil were off for the costume contest!

It was AMAZING. I would not have wanted to be the judge. The costumes were so incredible, and detailed, and some of them were very, very clever. Statue of Liberty on stilts! So glad she won a ride on the carousel, she totally deserved it! I didn't get any good costume contest pics, but there are lots and lots of them out there!

We ended up back in the carousel room with a huge crowd of people, screaming and cheering for those that got to ride! Everyone looked so happy! The girl who did the Statue of Liberty costume was jumping up and down and dancing, I just wanted to hug her! She was the cutest thing in the world!!!

Neil was getting ready for his ride, and Lorraine slid up to me and said, "Hand someone your stuff". I looked at her, looked at my friends, and just started saying, "No, no. I can't go if you guys can't go". After a couple thwaps on my head, some light shoves, and the removal of my hat and purse, Dill, Kerrie, and Jane, shoved me over towards Lorraine. Next thing I knew I was ON THE CAROUSEL!!!!!

It was surreal, and magic, and the best thing in the entire world!

Once you spot Neil in this video, it's Lorraine, then me with the blond and purple hair and the biggest grin ever!

A pic from the House on the Rock people

After the ride Neil was trying to walk around the house. That. Was. Madness. We were in our little group, and then we'd turn around and there would be 50 people behind us! For the most part everyone was really, really cool. And of COURSE Neil is just the best person to his fans ever! We would get him to a spot where he wouldn't be blocking everything and every one, and he would take 15 or 30 minutes to take pictures with people. Then we would move on, get another huge line behind us and do it all over again.

Watching him, he really takes the time to connect with everyone, and everyone who met him was just so happy and excited and beautiful.

We got to see so much more of the house, and get a bit of a guided tour from Neil. Kerrie wanted to go see the top of the whale and squid, so we did that as well.

Blurry Squid Pic

I found this crowd shot on the American Gods Flicker page and I'm AWFUL because I forgot to mark down who it belongs to! Sorry random awesome person who took great pictures!

Jane and Kerrie with Neil

Jane

Myself and Lorraine in hats. Because, um, yea. Hats!

A pic of me getting ready to ride the carousel!

Alright. Another post for Sunday's adventures! It will be roller derby and crunch cone heavy!!!

House on the Rock Part 1

2010-11-03T08:01:00.000-07:00

I find myself again in a situation where I must try and sum up something which can NOT be summed up for a blog entry! The House on the Rock American Gods weekend was so incredible, there just aren't words to describe all of it! Then of course, it was followed by a practice with the Madison Derby Girls, then a few days at Neil's with Lorraine and beekeeping... much too much for one blog entry I think!

Instead I give you, Day 1:

Friday morning, we got up at 2am. The plan was get coffee at the shop, get on the road and go to Wisconsin. Google Maps told us we must be on the road by 4am at the latest if we wanted to be at the House by 1pm. Google Maps told vicious, vicious lies. Either that or our rented minivan traveled through time. Because a very sleepy myself, Dill Her0, Kerrie, and Jane Ire found ourselves at House on the Rock around 10am!

Luckily we managed to sweet talk the people at the resort into letting us check in early. We unpacked, claimed beds, and ran to the HOTR to register! With that out of the way, we proceeded to get some essentials for our stay. Liquor and cheese.

We ran about town, then finally heard from Lorraine that her group of herself, Neil, Kitty, Jounie, and Dan Guy had made it to their rooms. We joined up with them, then headed back to the house for a guided tour.

Now keep in mind, I googled the heck out of House on the Rock! I looked at pictures! Video! Read reviews!

Didn't matter. The place blew my socks off! I was just in shock and their were choruses from us of "No WAY!" "AWESOME!" "WOW"!
It was an amazing place. Neil said one of the best parts was seeing the reaction of people who had never seen it before.

After that it was dinner with everyone, then Neil went back to go sign lots and lots of autographs until the wee hours of the morning. The next day was to begin my job as chai monkey/coat and purse girl and the rest of our groups job as GNOME security.

Monster Mouth in the Carousel room

Lorraine fleeing the Infinity room with Kitty

Us going into the carousel room. We squealed like little children. It was LOUD and bright and amazing!

House on the Rock made this wolf specifically because Neil put it into the book American Gods. It was the only animal that he made up! Now it's there for people to sit on and get photos, since you can not ride the actual carousel. (More on that in the next post)

Jane Ire

Dill Her0

Kerrie

Oh and a quick edit here! I got a book from Neil for his All Hallows Read project! The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson!

Another post tomorrow!

Breaking it down

2010-10-28T08:40:00.000-07:00

We have an awesome speed skater on our team. Her mom, who is also an awesome speed skater, offered to come in and show us "a few things".

What she essentially did, was come in and break down the perfect skating stride for us, turns, backwards skating, jumping etc. Things that I have been doing for six years, and doing WRONG.
I can backwards skate, but always had trouble crossing over. She corrected my stance, and boom! Whizzing around the track like I'd been doing it for years!
Same thing with my stride. I'm one of the faster blockers on the team, but I FEEL like I should be faster. She broke down a stride for us, and I realized how much energy I wasted doing it incorrectly. I started pushing more effectively, and I could feel all the POWER in my legs that I don't feel normally. (I also found some new muscles to be sore)

Basic footwork and maneuverability was also a big part of the night. At the end, I felt like it was one of the most beneficial practices that I could have gone to. I wish I wish I wish I had done this six years ago!

Does your league bring in guest coaches to break down basics for you? I love our coach for her ideas on strategy, plays, pushing us hard, etc, but it was nice to have a guest coach come in and show us some basic skating! I have a lot of new things to work on now, that I can incorporate into our normal practice times!

Smack O'Lantern

2010-10-25T03:59:00.000-07:00

Saturday Naptown Roller Girls faced off against the Maine Port Authority Roller Girls!

For those of you that were there, you know it was an awesome bout. For those of you that weren't... work on that. Our bouts are awesome! You should go.

Attendance seemed a little low, maybe around 2,500 people or a little more. Not bad though considering we didn't have a lot of promotion time for this one!

I had one person bit of FAIL in the bout. Came out of penalty, hit a wall of Maine skaters, blocker pushed her foot back, wheels tangled, she went down... and I got called out. It seriously looked like I back blocked her. Good call on the refs part. It just sucked for me because I didn't! We just tripped up! So right back in penalty I went. *sigh*

Maine did a really weird intro that I didn't get. They were all on phones! Anyone else out there understand it? No one I talked to got it, and it's really bugging me!

After party was wonderful as always! I wore scary boots with scary heels, and did not fall down. This may be, in part, due to Crasher giving me a seat. But it counts as not falling as far as I'm concerned!

Photo by Marc Lebryk

Me whipping Slammy. Photo by Tom Klubens

Me being extremely unlady like.

Oh. And many thanks to my friend Lorraine! I messaged her at some point in the party, with something along the lines of, "are we good enough friends for me to drunk text you?" then proceeded to message her for several hours. Kept me from posting inappropriate things to twitter. Me drunk with a smart phone is a dangerous combination.

Look who is home!

2010-10-20T05:46:00.000-07:00

Yes that is a mini van. Yes he fits (with PLENTY of room to spare)!

Purdue University was wonderful to him. They were all giving him scritches and snuggles good bye before we left.

SO good to have my guy home and happy again!

Starkey Needs Good Vibes...

2010-10-11T06:33:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't follow me on facebook and twitter, Starkey my mini horse is sick. He has colic, and after treatments Friday failed to work, we ended up loading him into a mini van and rushing him to Purdue University.

If you have a good vibe, thought, prayer, rain dance, etc. to send to a sweet little mini horse, it would be appreciated!

Here he is at Purdue, with some painkillers kicking in.

Also, if you've never seen a horse get an iv, it's not the same as a human IV!!! They go through the jugular. Long story short, I ended up passed out cold on the floor when they did it! Apparently I am no good with blood....

I'm just sitting here now, waiting on the Vet to call and tell me how much longer it'll be until I can bring my guy home. Last word was that I can come get him Tuesday. Word before that was Monday. Fingers crossed it doesn't change again and he gets better!!!

So How Do I...

2010-09-29T15:28:00.000-07:00

Cram the adventure that was the past 5 days into one readable blog post? We went to Chicago, had a great bout, the truly Fabulous Lorraine drove very late into the night to come and get me, took me north for several days, and many, many things happened. Putting all of that into ONE blog post would be the longest, most epic blog ever!

I think instead, I'll summarize.

Played a bout in Chicago, and it was awesome. In the write up I was mentioned as "the blocker to beat". That made me happy.

Lorraine and Cabal came and got me. Lorraine was awesome, Cabal was the sweetest and let me snorgle his ears, and we had a hard time finding coffee.

Though we did find the White House in the Dells... but it was upside down.

We ate at the best vegetarian place ever, and after much driving, I met Lorraine's bengals. They are shy, but the sweetest, prettiest creatures ever. If you have room in your home, you should think about adopting one.

I spent the weekend with Lorraine at Neil's house. It's huge. If you believe in that sort of thing, there is a ghost. If you don't believe in that sort of thing, there is still a dang ghost! (I was alone upstairs, laying in bed with both cats. Heard footsteps up and down the stairs, around and around the attic, for at least an hour.)

When Lorraine had work to do (which was often. This is a busy, busy woman)I wandered the grounds.

I found a little writers gazebo in the woods.

At one point I was attacked by zombies.

I made a narrow escape, but then was eaten by a tree.

(Lola was no help at all in defending me from the evil tree)

Made it safely back to the house, and wandered down to the library.... and started counting the shadows...

I also hit up Lorraine's insane gym. If you ever see her bitch on her blog about how sore she is, believe her! Her trainer is sadistic with a smile! I do roller derby and I'm still sore from her gym! It was madness, but fun!

It was wonderful to finally meet my doppelganger. We were afraid of being the same person, but it turns out, we are not. We're just very much alike. In fact, if we had done shots of tea every time we would find something else in common and say, "doppelganger" we would have been very full of tea and had to pee a lot.

The final night was spent with Birdchick and Lorraine. We looked at the stars, Birdchick took inappropriate pictures of Jupiter and it's moons, and I remembered what it was like to live in the country where you can actually SEE the sky like that.

I wanted to stay forever, cook the food, make the coffee, and steal ALL the honey every single day. (I didn't know honey could taste like that. It was incredible) I already miss it, and I miss my friend, and the dogs, and the deaf kitty from the attic. Not the ghost though. That was a little creepy.

Oh and PS: There was an octokitty in the kitchen!!!! I added another to keep him company!

Right Now...

2010-09-27T09:33:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a vacation, in Neil Gaiman's house, hanging out with the supremely fabulous Lorraine. There are dogs, cats, honey, and lots of spooky things in the corners.

I will blog properly when I return! Until then, I am Lorraine's personal coffee monkey.

What Sassy Ate Today

2010-09-15T07:08:00.000-07:00

Last Tuesday, Sassy got IN THE TRASH!!! She ate all the things that could be eaten, including spicy things. Needless to say, Sassy Burrito did not feel good. She had to go outside constantly, and was a miserable little puppy.

I hope it will teach her a lesson, but as I caught her trying to swallow a button last night, I doubt it.

I cooked a THING....

2010-09-15T03:42:00.000-07:00

I cooked this for dinner last night to use up some veggies.

Some people asked me for the recipe. Um... here's the thing. I don't really DO recipes. I'm bad about that. I just, you know.. bake. Or cook. I grab leftover spices and crap in my kitchen and make food so I don't have to drag my booty to the store!

That being said, here is my best recreation of what I did, for those that want to make it.

Cook some whole wheat pasta. Set it to the side.

Saute some firm tofu, set that to the side.

In a deep pan, throw in a couple cups of water, and a spoon full of vegetable bouillon. (You can sub in vegetable broth for the water and bouillon)
Scoop out a HUGE spoon full of creamy peanut butter, and toss that in with your veggie broth. Stir it until it dissolves.
Squeeze some lime juice in.
Toss in a crushed clove or two of garlic.
Heap out 3 big spoon fulls of sweet chili, and one big spoonful of regular chili paste. (I use the kind with the chicken on the side)
Add a dash or two of soy sauce, then toss in your pasta and tofu. Plus any veggies you want to add. (I used some broccoli and carrots I had sitting around)

Let everything simmer until the water from the broth cooks down. Sprinkle on a little pepper for some kick.

There. That is my non recipe for the spicy noodle tofu THING I cooked last night!

Vampire Knits

2010-09-09T04:24:00.000-07:00

I have a sweater pattern in the upcoming book, Vampire Knits and Knit Picks is giving away a copy! Check it out HERE. That's my sweater on the guy! Pretty cool huh?

Right. I'm falling off the map for a couple days while we travel to regionals!

I really heart this woman...

2010-09-05T15:47:00.000-07:00

The Fabulous Lorraine, is indeed, fabulous. She blogged about me and got me all misty eyed last night.

If you're trying to get FIT the way I am, you should check out her blog. She is doing some amazing things right now, and her determination is incredible. She *almost* has the most rhythm challenged girl in the world talked into trying ZUMBA. (once I master this swimming thing that is)

I get to actually "meet" her in a few months, which is odd, considering I talk to her almost every day. I'm half convinced that when we meet, we will indeed find out that one of us is just a figment of the others imagination. See, we sort of think we might be the same person. Either that, or one of us is the evil twin. We will find out come Halloween.

Right. The blog: http://blog.fabulouslorraine.com/2010/09/knitting-and-finding-support-in-all.html

I'm allowed to say this now!

2010-08-31T07:08:00.001-07:00

If you've noticed a lack of quality blogging around here lately, there is a very good reason!
Yours truly did not learn her lesson last time and has signed on to write another knitting book! It's going to be published through Andrews McMeel whom I'm excited to be working with!

More details to follow of course. Just know that blogging will be sporadic while knit and write, and knit and write, and....

New Challenge!

2010-08-30T03:42:00.000-07:00

In my quest to be in the best shape I can be, I've decided to challenge myself! This Tuesday I will be learning how to swim!

My fellow roller girl Racer does crazy amounts of laps at the pool. I asked her if she would teach me to swim so that I can add a new element to my workout and she said yes!

This is going to be a toughie for me. I HATE getting my face underwater! I can sort of tread water, and I can splash myself to the edge of a pool if need be. Actually getting my face wet and doing laps is going to be a whole new level of crazy for me!

BUT I need a low impact cardio workout, and according to Racer this is a great one! So wish me luck! Not only will I be in the water, I'll be, (horror of horrors) wearing a SWIMSUIT!!!!!

Do you have what it takes?

2010-08-18T10:06:00.000-07:00

Do you have what it takes to be a roller derby announcer? Know what a pisskey is? Like big weiners?

Check out our announcers in Evansville, cheating on us by calling for the Demolition City Roller Girls. (Naptown Roller Girls are the Wife, Demo City is the Mistress we know about but tolerate)

Get a glimpse at what it takes to be a roller derby announcer, and why you should never, ever, bet against Joan of Dark when there is BEER involved.

http://dillher0.blogspot.com/2010/08/oh-life-of-roller-derby-announcer.html

Derby Tights

2010-08-17T05:59:00.000-07:00

A while back, I went on a jeans rant. http://joanofdarkknits.blogspot.com/2009/09/how-roller-girl-buys-jeans.html
Lately, I've been going on a tights rant. When I skate, I HAVE to wear tights. I used to not wear them. Then I fell on concrete. That lovely screeching sound of my skin sliding on the floor, then the equally lovely realization that some of my skin is no longer on my leg but still ON the floor.
So tights. No matter how hot I am, TIGHTS get worn.
Problem is, I sort of hate tights. I like them on my legs, but I hate how they go all the way up to my boobs. I've tried the hip hugger tights, but even when I manage to find them, all they do is give me a glorious muffin top that was NOT THERE BEFORE!

My solution lately has been to fold the tights over my manties (my derby shorts panties things) but inevitably they roll back up in the middle of a drill.

I was complaining about this to the girls, when Ima Hurchu said, "Cut the waistband off".
What?
Wait... what?

Was life really about to be that simple for me? Seriously?

Next practice I tried it. Cut the waistband off my tights. Holy. Hell. They fit amazing now! No muffin top, they stay up (but not up to my boobs thank you very much)they don't unravel, I love it! Now, instead of hunting all over for the perfect pair of tights, I'm just cutting the tops off the ones I already have!

How I made it through 5 years of derby without realizing this I don't know!

Cheers to comfy tights!

Some goofy Outfit pics

2010-08-16T06:01:00.000-07:00

This isn't going to be my typical bout recap post. I'm running low on time this morning! But here's some goofy pics courtesy of Mr. Tom Klubens, our awesome photographer!

Pre skating stretch

Doing a couple laps...

And braiding Brian's hair. He only LOOKS like a big scary dude. Really he is nice and lets me antagonize him!

A real post to follow!

Sport(wo)manship

2010-08-15T18:11:00.001-07:00

*soapbox*

I'm going to hop on my soapbox for a moment to talk about sportswomanship.

Once, we played a bout, and had a bit of a shock after the game was over. When we were announced as the winners, we got booed. Then when we slapped hands with the other team to tell them "good game" we got smack talked by a couple girls on the team.

Here's my thought. As a hot headed woman, I sometimes have to take a deep breath before I can face an opposing player off the track. But in derby you HAVE to do it. We all sacrifice a lot to play this sport. Personally I spend a lot of money in payroll to staff my shop and head off to an away bout. I'm sure lots of girls on that team had to make a lot of sacrifices not just for that game, but to get to the practice for the game, to pay for uniforms, skates, pads, etc. It's a tough sport that we all play not for money, or fame, or anything other than a love of an awesome sport.

With that in mind, if you can't shake it off immediately after the game, if you can't fake a smile and a high five with the other team... skate away. Don't talk smack to a girl that had to pay a babysitter, give up money at her job, piss off her husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife by neglecting the hell out of them to play roller derby. I would rather see a girl head back to her locker room instead of slapping hands with us than have a girl smack talk me and come across as a sore loser.

Believe me, I've had to do it myself. I'm a happy, positive, cheerful person who loves everyone. But put my skates on, have a ref make a call I don't agree with, or just make it so my team doesn't win, sometimes I get pissy. Not because I hate the other team. But because I know my team, I know how hard we work, how much we sacrifice, and I know we COULD have won. If we had worked a little harder, if I had looked left instead of right and seen the jammer... if. If. If.

But I can't take it out on the other team. Because they worked just as hard as I did. And it's not fair for me to give them grief over a win. No matter what I THINK happened on the track.

I say all this because I've been guilty of it when I first started playing, and I feel bad about it. It's been my goal to be a better sportswoman after the game than I have been in the past. Sure I'm not going to get along with everyone. Sure someone is going to foul me. But that doesn't give me the right to make them feel bad about their win.

No hard feelings to the girls who did this. Like I said, I've been guilty of it before, and we're roller girls. We get hotheaded. If we were all "pleases" and "excuse me" all the time, we would probably make crappy roller girls.

All I'm saying is that after a game, when it comes time to congratulate the other team, I'm going to flash back to kindergarten, and ask that ALL my fellow roller girls do so as well. "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".

On the track however... let the smack talk fly! I know I will!

The Amanda Palmer Hot Chocolate

2010-08-09T08:01:00.000-07:00

Way back in the day, I made a Neil Gamain Coffee for Strange Brew. It was fun, and lots of people like it, even though some of them have no idea who he is when they order. If they make the mistake of saying, "Why is this called a Neil Gaiman Latte"? they will be late for their meeting/work/birth of their child/etc, because I ramble their ear off.
ANYWAY, it occurred to me some time ago that we should really have an Amanda Palmer Coffee as well. There's a guy who comes in once a month and orders a Neil Gaiman Latte and a Blond Bombshell. It feels wrong when I call them out together. I was also asked on Saturday, by some Gen Con attendees who had made the pilgrimage for a Neil Gaiman Latte, why we did not have an Amanda Palmer as well. So, being highly caffeinated, we set to work!

Whenever I create a new drink, especially a new drink for a specific person, I try to think of the first word that comes to my head, that can translate to an ingredient. For some it's "Sweet". Others would be, "Strong". For Amanda, the first word that popped into my head was "Fuck". Well, that wouldn't work! The second word was "Spicy".
So the first ingredient was Cayenne Pepper.

The next thing I thought was, smoke, dark, and hot.
To me that translated to a chocolate drink with steamed milk.
If you follow her on Twitter you're also going to think "Sweet and Funny". I needed something to offset the overkill of chocolate and red pepper. Besides, chocolate and red pepper has been done before, by lots of people. I needed more spicy, and another sweet.

Honey. Honey is the answer to everything.

But then the honey on top would be overkill. Too much layering. The drinker would hit the honey and milk, then the chocolate and red pepper. You could taste each individual ingredient, one by one. I didn't like that.

So here is the final creation. And no, there isn't actually coffee in it. It's the Amanda Palmer Hot Chocolate. (Based on a sweet story Neil told a table full of derby girls that involved a statue, a flower, and hot chocolate. It made us all weepy)

Cayenne pepper, cinnamon, honey, chocolate, simple sugar, and topped with flake. Yummy right?

My love of Amanda's music came from writers. Melissa Marr mentioned her former band, the Dresden Dolls in her book, Wicked Lovely. Then of course, when Neil Gaiman started talking about her, I looked up her music on my Pandora station, and fell in love with the songs Guitar Hero, Runs in the Family (I love that song SO much) and Leeds United. Now I consider myself a fan.

So being a fan, and being a coffee shop owner, here's the deal. This drink is not going on the menu at Strange Brew until October. BUT, I'll make you one. I'll even make you one for FREE! IF, you flash me a proof of purchase for Amanda Palmer's new album when you come in. If you flash me your vinyl I'll even make it a large!

Oh, and why is their no whipped cream on the hot chocolate you ask? Because it's an Amanda Palmer, and comes topless.

I am not a number...

2010-08-03T03:13:00.000-07:00

I've decided to reevaluate my fitness goals. I've spent the last few months obsessing over losing the last 10lbs of my goal. I'm on the scale twice a day, stressing over the fact that it is NOT BUDGING!
Instead, I should be focusing on the fact that I've gained a LAP AND A HALF on my five minute drill, the fact that my endurance is so much better, the fact that I can do twice as many push ups as before... not some stupid freaking scale!
Scales and I have a bad history anyway. Those that know me know I've had a past with my weight, which was extremely unhealthy. At 5'7" I weighed less than 100 pounds at the age of 20. A lot less than 100 pounds actually. The wake up call was when I couldn't DO the things I wanted to do. I couldn't run a mile, I couldn't jump around on stage with my bass, I couldn't even play with my dog! So what was the point of being skinny? I've posted this pic before, but here's evidence of what I looked like as I started actually GAINING weight!

On the other side, when I got too heavy, I ran into the same problems. I couldn't run a mile, I wasn't as good of a skater, etc. I feel like weight wise, I'm at a pretty good place right now. Being a derby girl forces me to stay at a healthy weight. For one thing, I'm working out all the dang time, for another, I'm committed to this. To be a good derby girl, I have to eat and train like the athlete I want to be. My body needs good fuel if I expect it to perform at the level I want to perform at.

Which brings me to this; I'm hiding my scale. I'm done with it. I will no longer set my fitness goals by a number. My new fitness goal is not this final ten pounds I want to lose. Instead, I want these things:
1. I want to gain another half lap on my five minute drill. Goal date = Mid October.
2. I want to take my shirt off like every other derby girl. Goal date = First bout.

The half lap I will get by training harder. The shirt thing? That's all about my confidence. Derby requires girls of all sizes, and almost all of the girls on my team whip their shirts off when it's too hot. But me? I suffer and sweat because I'm not confident enough in the way I look. Which is stupid. So by the first bout, the shirt will come off. To hold myself accountable, I'll post a pic of it from the after party on this blog.
I said to a friend the other day, and I stand by this: I am not perfect. But I'm faster and stronger than I was last month. And next month I'll be faster and stronger than I am this month. That is all I'm going to focus on from now on. No more numbers. Just faster, stronger, and then a little faster than before.

Why Evaluations Matter

2010-08-02T03:35:00.000-07:00

Does your league do one on one skater evaluations with the coach? If not they should! Here's why:

I'm not a confident person. I tend to be shy, slightly socially awkward, and I don't always think the best of myself. While derby has given me a lot of confidence, inside I don't always feel as good about myself as I probably should.

For our league, there is no set "team" for the season. There's a charter which changes every few months, with our top 20 skaters. Out of those top 20 the top 14 get picked to skate in a bout.

I have never, ever not been picked. I've been one of the top 14 skaters since day one. That should give me a lot of confidence right? Not really. I still feel my heart in my throat when I look at the roster and search for my name. I never felt like my spot was secure, in all the years I've done this. Which I KNOW is crazy, since I'm a good skater, I'm smart in the pack, I know the plays, I know what I'm doing out there, in reality I know that I'll make the roster. But still, I lack that confidence in myself, since I never ever know if our coach sees those things about me. What if she only catches when I miss the jammer, and not when I hand out the perfect whip or call a great play?

Which is why this year, when our coaches announced that they would be doing individual skater evaluations, I had no idea what to expect. She sat me down to go over my strengths and weaknesses and I was really happy to see that she thought a lot better about me than I think about myself sometimes! She recognized everything that I've been working so hard on, told me the weaknesses she saw, asked what I wanted to work on, etc.

So at the next practice, we had a bench of Sirens (the "A" team I play for) and a bench of Belles (our "B" team). We had the Belles scrimmage for 2 jams, then the Sirens scrimmage for 2 jams. Coach asked me to go pivot for the Belles for the first two jams.

Before the evaluation, I would have been having an internal panic attack. "Oh crap! She wants to take me off the Sirens and put me on Belles"!!!

Since this was after the evaluation, I saw it for what it was. a) I had asked her to try my hand at being pivot, and she wanted to see how I did running plays with some of our newer skaters. I played pivot for 2 jams, had a hell of a lot of fun, worked with some of the newer girls, and was a successful pivot. b) We were short on skaters for the scrimmage, and she knows my endurance is really good, and that she could skate me as pivot for Belles, then as a blocker for the Sirens without needing a break. I don't get tired in derby. Ever. I get this crazed euphoric high when I skate! I have played every single jam in a 1 hour scrimmage before and crashed after, but during wasn't even out of breath!

So if your league doesn't do skater/coach evaluations, they should! Having a clear idea of where I am, what is expected of me, what my goals are; this is valuable stuff!

photo by Dr. X

How NOT to get a job...

2010-07-28T08:57:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year again! My trusty summer help is heading off to college, which means I have to restaff my beloved coffee shop!
Here's a few things to remember, should YOU want to get a job at your local coffee shop:

1. Don't get baked.
I really, really don't care what you do in your spare time. As long I NEVER KNOW! So if you come in and apply for a job, don't smell like weed. I'm not that old, I know what it smells like, your Old Spice isn't fooling anyone.

2. Don't have your Mom help you.
If you're under 18, come in and pick up your own application. If a parent comes in, I give out a certain application, so that when it comes back, I know. You did not have the initiative or the drive to come and get it yourself.

3. Don't have your STONED Mom come in and help you.
I had a woman come in smelling like weed, dragging her son who was 17 and ALSO smelled like weed, tell me that her son needs to "Get a damn job".
This may be true, but Mom doesn't need to tell me that. This tells me that son does not WANT a job. This tells me that son will never be on time, will call in sick constantly, and really won't give a crap.
Well, that and the smell of weed all over both of them.

4. Pen. Get one.
Something about applications filled out in pencil. I don't like it. Maybe that's just me and I'm neurotic.

5. It's food service, you're going to work weekends.
You're better off asking for Monday/Tuesday off than Saturday/Sunday.

6. If you really hate coffee, than working at a coffee shop is probably not for you.
It may seem weird, but we're passionate about coffee. I've got 1 or 2 employees that are tea drinkers, but they still at least LIKE coffee and drink coffee. Every single day, a customer will ask, "What do you recommend?" when purchasing beans, tea, or just picking a drink off the menu. I like my staff to answer honestly. Be it, "I love a good cup of black coffee, so I do the Rage Against the Bean through a french press" or "I love the sweeter drinks, so I really like the White Chocolate Caramel Mocha". Either way, you should have SOMETHING to say here besides, "I don't like coffee".

7. Spell check. You don't have to be perfect, but if I see lots and lots of spelling errors over and over, it's not going to be on the top of my call back pile.

8. Be honest.
Look, would I prefer to hire someone with coffee experience? Sure! Is it a MUST? Not necessarily. But here's the thing. If you fib on your app, maybe make up an out of state shop that doesn't really exist (saying it closed down) I'm going to know pretty dang quick. Being a barista is a much harder job than everyone assumes it is. If you get on my bar and start pulling 12 second shots and the milk screams bloody murder when you steam it... I'll know something is up, and your job is toast.
Whereas if you just tell me straight up, "I love coffee, I want to learn, but have no experience" I'm likely to give you a shot, and train you properly.

9. Dress up a little
I'm not saying formal business attire, or even business casual! But clean jeans, clean shirt, hair pulled back... it makes a big difference. We're not a khakis and button up shirt kind of establishment, but we do have a dress code! (Don't look like shit, and pull your pants up) If you're violating that dress code while filling out an application, I'll remember!

10. Be brave, fly solo
Don't come in with your friend, your boyfriend, your teacher, your parents, the really nice neighbor next door... come in by yourself. You want me to trust you to run my store? The business that pays my mortgage, puts food on my table, pays my employees, and helps keep a local roaster (and his family) in business? I need to trust you! If you're nervous just picking up an application and need someone to hold your hand, how can I trust you to RUN A SHOP? It's a lot harder!

11. Speak up!
Oh darling emo kid. I think your hair is super cute the way it flops in your face. And I get you're in that shy awkward stage. But if I can't understand you when you ask for an application, all I'm thinking is: How are you going to speak to my customers???? Speak up! Be confident and cheerful! There is no "quiet" or "shy" with my employees. We're loud and happy. We talk and joke with the customers and each other! Observe how we act before you decide you want to work here!

12. THINK ABOUT IT
Common sense. Get you some. It's probably not the best idea to walk into your local coffee shop with your Starbucks coffee and ask for an application. The same way you shouldn't carry your Happy Meal into a steakhouse and say you want to be a chef. Leave it in your car.

12a.
Under the THINK ABOUT IT thing, be smart. Don't tell me you want to work here because it looks so super easy! Yea you have no experience but "How hard can it be to make coffee?" Seriously? You're insulting the hell out of me and my staff. I *almost* want to hire you and stick you on bar right away to show you just how hard it can be.

13. The weed thing. I mean it.
I have had no less than 3 applicants today just reek of weed. (We won't even talk about the 20something year old who, when asked about availability, told me he "Just needed 4:20 off every day")

Ugh. This is truly my least favorite thing in the world to do. Hire people. Sure it's entertaining, but it gets a bit depressing after a while. A big part of why I work so many hours is because we're a small biz and it's just what you have to do to survive. The smaller part? Because it's so hard to find good help.

EDIT- Technology. I has it. Know that most employers know what facebook is. FYI. Might wanna take some of those pics off your profile...

WE MADE REGIONALS!!!!

2010-07-26T07:54:00.000-07:00

That's right! After YEARS of hard work, missing out by ONE STINKING POINT last season, this season we have finally made it! Naptown is NUMBER 9 in our region and going to Wisconsin to duke it out with the top ten teams in the North Central Region!

My fellow derby girl Strawberry Jam summed it up best. "Dammit, I know there is no crying in derby, but I am crying right now!!!"

We have worked SO HARD this season. There are no words for how hard we worked. As an individual, I lost 50lbs in the hopes of being a better skater. As a teammate, I listened, I obeyed, and played harder and smarter than I have every other season.

Our girls, and ESPECIALLY our awesome coaches and support staff, put in so much work this year, and this year it finally paid off! Here we come Wisconsin!!!!

And many, many thanks to Mr. Neil Gaiman , The Fabulous Lorraine and Cat from Neverwear for being my good luck charms and not having me locked up in a ward when I started pelting them with Octokitties for good luck. You guys are freaking awesome! More octokitties to come! (I wonder if there are enough to build a fort yet?)
*Also a special thanks to Amanda Palmer for telling Neil to hang with us. She rocks, and you should buy her new album!

So now I am off to run around the room and scream some more, maybe shed another tear or two. Then I will work out, go to practice, work out some more, rinse and repeat until September, when we go skate with some of the best teams the derby world has to offer.

If you would care to help send us on our way and fill our locker room with healthy pre and post bout food, you can do so by chipping in here. Derby travel is not cheap, and we bunk up 2 to a bed. (which actually is not so bad. *nudge nudge*) But our bus driver needs to be paid, and food needs to be bought, etc, etc. Here is a linky if you care to chip in!

To all you fans and friends that have supported us these many long seasons, thank you. You mean the freaking world to us.

Widget Progress Report

2010-07-25T17:02:00.000-07:00

Widget PLAYED today! With a toy!

This is really HUGE news. Widget doesn't play. At all. I've bought her every toy under the sun which she poofs in fear at and attacks, but doesn't play with.
I asked for advice from bird people and they all told me the same thing. TEACH her how to play. She didn't have toys until she went to foster, she didn't understand what they were and she needed to learn.

So today, I looked over and realized that she was playing with the toy that hung on her perch. She shredded the calcium bits, jingled the jingly parts, and tapped the shiny things with her beak! She spent about 30 minutes on it before she got sleepy and took a nap.

Happy me, happy bird. This begins a new era of spending too much money on parrot toys for her to destroy like a NORMAL bird!

What Sassy (and Ernie!) Ate Today...

2010-07-21T05:24:00.001-07:00

We had a fail yesterday morning. Dill grabbed the trash out of the cabinet, bagged it... and left it sitting on the kitchen floor.

Needless to say when we came home, we discovered that Sassy and Ernie had spent their day feasting on trash goodness.
Contents of the trash:
Yellow Squash
Egg Shells
Chocolate Cake and White Cake crumbles (from making kitty litter cake)
Rotten Cherries
Green Bean ends
etc

Ernie seemed fine yesterday. He had gotten sick sure, but he was over it by the time we got home. Sassy on the other hand had a bloated belly, her tail was tucked between her legs, and she just looked MISERABLE!

Stupid Dog.

By the end of the night she seemed better, and even ate food. This morning however, right as I clicked my alarm for a quick extra snooze, I heard the icky sounds of a dog dry heaving at the foot of the bed.
Sassy threw up.
A LOT.
As in, I have no idea where it all came from. It was the size of her head. Then she did it again, and again, and again...

We kept her with us for a few hours this morning. She ate some rice a while ago, drank a bunch of water, and seems peachy keen now!

Stupid, stupid dog.

Why I only have one or two parties every year....

2010-07-20T10:29:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we had our annual summer party. It involves renting THIS:

Drinking lots of THESE:

And slowly but surely watching things dissolve into mass chaos.

There were a TON of people in and around my house. Some of them were naked. These things just happen. I can't post the majority of the pictures or video taken, so I'll share some of my twitter feed:

There are boobies, booties, and ass beatings.

My house is madness!

Omg! Someone hired a stripper!

Who the heck hires a male stripper for a bunch of lesbians?

It is dissolving into madness!

I am drunk and on twitter

Topless jousting... knew it would happen.

Right. Drunk fireworks were a GREAT IDEA!!!!

Here come the body shots...

Holy shit is it only 1039??? Uh oh...

Like all derby parties, there becomes a wall sit competition. Becomes? What? You know what imsayin...

From topless jousting to nekkid jousting...

And my tweet from the next morning: "Has anyone seen my shoes"???

We went to bed around 4am. If you ever decide to have your own roller girl jousting madness party, here are my words of advice:

1.Don't let the stripper in the door. Especially if he's orange and smells funny and NOT dressed up like a cop the way he was supposed to be.

2. Leave the guitars out. It's hilarity.

3. Bubble gum vodka is the devil.

4. If you decide to take your clothes off and race cars in the street or run around the house, make sure to carry your clothing with you. Otherwise the other girls will hide them.

5. Tag team jousting is where it's at.

6. There are no rules in jousting. None. No. Rules.

7. Only allow cameras manned by those you trust. You do NOT need to be tagged in some of these pictures and plastered around face book for the world to see. Your friends will take pictures. But your derby girls (and derby photogs) will put them in a private file and not let your reputation become sullied.

8. Green Chartreuse is also the devil. (but sooo yummy)

9. At some point, someone should take your phone away and cut off your twitter access.

10. When your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife can no longer stand, is missing their shoes, and only wearing one sock with no knowledge of where the other one went, put them to bed.

Here are a few of the safer pictures from the night.

The girls decide to feast on Sassy Burrito, but found her lacking in meat.

If more safe pictures from the night surface, I will post them. Unfortunately it was a night full of madness and debauchery. Which is why I only have derby parties a couple of times per year. Only so much madness my calm suburban neighborhood can tolerate!

A much overdue ECE post...

2010-07-05T06:47:00.000-07:00

*all photos by Marc Lebryk

I should have written this long, long ago, but I've been incredibly busy, with many deadlines hanging over my shoulder, so the blog had to take a backseat for a few weeks!

The road trip to Philly for the East Coast Extravaganza started off just right. We got on the bus and found COOKIES! Our lovely driver had left them on the seats for us! Adorable!

I slept for most of the 12 hour trip. I love sleep. I never get enough of it so normally, as long as I don't have a ton of adrenaline going (post bout or post practice) I can curl up like a cat and sleep anytime, anywhere.

We got there pretty early on Friday night, enough time to sit suicide for Windy City Roller Girls vs. Gotham City Roller Girls.
Holy hell. THAT WAS DERBY!!!! Those teams are both amazing, and it was an absolute privilege to get to see them. That bout alone was worth the trip!
My main observations? Suzy Hotrod has the most enviable ass in derby and this girl from Windy City has big boobs.

Oh, and both teams were incredibly fast, GREAT at offensive, and some super skilled footwork on the Gotham City jammers part! (see, I paid attention)!

Saturday we had an early game against Maine, the MRD Port Authorities. It was a good game, with lots of lead changes. We ended up with a come from behind victory in the final jam. Excellent derby! Our fouls were frustrating us. One of us was in the box at all times! Honestly, some were deserved, of course, some just confused me personally. Our last tournament, Spring Roll, we didn't have nearly as many fouls, with almost the same line up. I think it's just traveling, with different refs than we usually see at home, they're going to call things differently. Which is WHY travel is so important for a team! It was a great learning experience for us.

The Maine girls were a really cool team. Didn't get to talk to them much after, but they were all smiles and hi-fives.
I saw one weird NSO call, and if there are any refs or NSO's out there that know the situation to clear this up for me, post it in the comments!
During the Northstar Roller Girls vs. Nashville Roller Girls, the Nashville jammer got sent to the box. She sat for about 15 seconds, then the Northstar jammer got sent to the box. As soon as she saw the Northstar jammer coming, the Nashville jammer got up and skated around the outside to hop back in the pack BEFORE the Northstar jammer sat down in penalty. Saw this happen not once, but TWICE. Confused the heck out of me, since my understanding is that the Nashville jammer couldn't be released from penalty until the Northstar jammer actually sat in penalty.
Anyone out there see this and know what the weirdness was?

Our second and final bout was against DC. They got a good lead on us at the end of the first half, and though we closed the gap at the end, it wasn't enough. Again, foul trouble. There was one weird call in that one, and again, if a ref is reading, chime in!
One of our players got sent to penalty. She sits, gets release, and as the pack is coming around, the ref calls, "No pack"! then "pack is here"! pointing to the front of the pack. A couple blockers and the jammers were straggling well over 20 feet behind. So our player hops out of penalty and gets behind the first section of pack, where the ref had called the pack. Whistle blows, and she's sent back to the box for not entering behind the pack.
Either a ref didn't realize that the first ref had called the front the pack, or I don't fully understand the rule. My understanding, is that since the back half wasn't part of the pack, she could enter in front of them. Refs? Anyone with insight?

After that bout we stripped down and hopped in the pool. Our plan was a quick swim, then back on the bus for the long drive home. One of our girls is a firefighter, another a surgical tech, and BOTH would have been in some deep crap if they didn't report to work Monday morning!

I was bummed we didn't get to talk to DC. They seemed like a really cool team. I said hi to one of them at the pool, but considering I was out of uniform, dripping wet, and lugging my suitcase around I was not surprised that she gave me the wigged out, "Who the hell are you and why are you saying Hi to me look"?

After that it was back on the bus for 12 hours. I shall not blog about what went on during that bus ride. Not a lot of sleeping though. Hmm. Okay I'll blog one thing about the bus trip.

TITO!!!!!!!!!!!
There. That's my one thing.

I am so, so glad that we got to participate in ECE this year! I got to meet several girls that I've only talked to on Ravelry or Twitter. Got heckled by a girl with a southern drawl who shouted, "Alan Moore can kick Neil Gaiman in the ass"!!!!!

I also discovered that almost everyone on my team agrees with me that having a girl crush on Tin Lizzie from Northstar Roller Girls is perfectly acceptable. She was not skating that weekend, and it really bummed me out. But she WAS coaching on the bench, so we all got to oogle. That made up for it.

I could write on and on about my love affair with the weekend. A girl asked me to sign my book, I love Montreal roller derby, made some new friends, hung with some refs and NSO's, swam in the pool even though I had no swimsuit...

I hope that as a league we get more travel in this year. I have been loving these experiences!

Very Random Picture Post

2010-06-24T12:32:00.000-07:00

In other words, I cleaned off my cell phone.

This darlings, is why you ALWAYS come to a party when I invite you. Asian riding Racer while Racer does push ups. Win.

I wish I could remember where I got that dress. I need one in every color. Loved it. That was taken on my way to my friend Nay's wedding. Their wedding song? Don't Stop Belivin'. I love my friends.

My friend Donnie redid an old tattoo of mine. He used to live/work in Indy, now he's in Chicago and he's awesome. If you are in the Chi-town area and want a tattoo, I will more than gladly give you his info!

And finally, Lenore has a ribbon on her head. Your argument is invalid.

Naked Llama!

2010-06-21T05:29:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to find someone to shear my llama since the temp got over 80 degrees. Poor Flippy has been sitting in kiddie pools, playing in the sprinkler, doing anything he can to beat the heat!
Finally Saturday I found a woman who was willing to handle my *ahem* feisty llama! She came out, tied a towel over his head (to work as a blindfold and spit catcher) and started shearing. It took about 2 hours to take Flippy from a this:

to this:

After that his feet got clipped, he got his shots, and got worm junk squirted down his throat.
He was NOT HAPPY.

As soon as we took the towel off his face and turned him loose he GLARED. Such a pissed off llama! In his very dignified llama manner, he snorted dewormer all over us, stepped into his kiddie pool, and started licking his salt lick.

An hour later he was over being angry, as he felt incredibly cool! He hopped and skipped around with the mini horses, got into the bag of treats, tore a small branch off a tree and took off running with it... back to normal for Flippy I would say!

Some things I've noticed from derby...

2010-06-17T07:54:00.000-07:00

1. I have just as many socks without feet (for under my elbow pads) as I have socks with feet.

2. My contact list on my phone reads like a call girl list. Sweet C, Strawberry Jam, etc.

3. If I go to an all night store, I am very likely to be handed pamphlets advising me how to escape from my abusive relationship.

4. My cats will always sniff my shoes after practice and make the "stinky face".

5. It is quite possible that my neighbors think I'm a hooker. I walk out of the house at odd hours in panties, tights, knee high socks, and carrying a suitcase. (for my skates) Sometimes, when we have an event, I'm wearing hot pants and a corset, or a tutu, or some other mad get up. I come home after several hours limping and bow legged. They don't let their children talk to me anymore...

6. I have to physically be stopped from treating the grocery store as my own personal derby track. Apparently hip checking in aisle 3 is not socially acceptable.

7. Hanging out with derby girls has made it so that I am, in general, no longer socially acceptable.

8. I have forgotten that "normal" people will not respond with the same amount of delight that I am used to when I pull my pants down in public and show them THE BIGGEST ASS BRUISE EVER.

9. Ditto for the bruises on my boobs.

10. When the people come to your door and asked whether or not you are saved, it's apparently not OK to burst into a chorus of Uncle Leon and the Alibis, "Roller Derby Saved My Soul".

11. My lawn will never be mowed in a timely manner again. (Until I learn how to mow in skates)

12. I own more pairs of tights than I do pants.

13. If someone grabs my ass at a bar, I don't get pissed. I just assume it's a derby girl. (If it's not, I fully expect all my fellow girls to bring the pain)

14. I am far more comfortable touching strange girls on the butt than I ever thought I would be.

15. I care more about shiny bearings than I do about shiny jewels.

16. It's a lot harder to get a black eye than movies and books lead you to believe.

17. Ditto for split lip.

1065 Siren Skates Review

2010-06-17T03:36:00.001-07:00

My skates came in! I have to hand it to Riedell, when I put my order in with Sin City Skates, I was told 4-6 weeks, and to be happy if I got them within 6 weeks, since they were being custom made.
They shipped in 3 weeks! So yay Riedell and Sin City!

I had custom colors, pink and purple. Reactor plates, which are a couple steps up from what I've been skating on. The package came with Zodiac Wheels and Kwik KSN bearings. I decided to try out the wheels, since they're narrow like my current skinny G-Rods, but I wanted to swap out the bearings with my ceramic bones. Easier said than done, since two of those suckers would NOT come out. It was so close to practice time I just left the two stuck ones in.

My initial reaction to skating on these was that someone had chopped off my feet and put two new feet in their place! After so many years on my 265's these new skates felt totally alien! It felt like taking my Saturn keys away and sticking me in a Vanquish! The skates kept getting away from my feet at first and I felt a bit out of control.

Fit wise, the boot is amazing! I have no blisters after our practice, no bruising or bleeding on my feet, (teeny bit of rubbing on my ankle, but to be expected) they were just perfect! (And bless Sin City for talking me down a size. For real) The heel lock on the boot? Brilliant! Why didn't Riedell do that years ago??? My heel did not BUDGE during practice. Such an incredible feeling!
The boot itself is going to be no problem to get used to. The plate on the other hand... it's going to take some track time!
By the end of a two hour practice, I felt a lot more comfortable. I'm eager to see how I feel after our practice tonight.

Oh and what does a 2 hour practice do to shiny new skates????

*sigh* It had to happen eventually...

It's a good week for books.

2010-06-15T13:16:00.000-07:00

Today was the release of STORIES. Since I was going in late to work today I decided to pick up a copy!
Called a bookstore. Didn't have it, never heard of it, never heard of the author... WHAT???
Since we had to hit the mall anyway (shudder) we decided to pop into Barnes and Noble to see if they had it. Check the computer... yes! Sci/Fi fantasy section.
Go to sci/fi fantasy section... no book. Ask worker, she looks up on computer, goes to sci/fi fantasy section... no book. She asks another worker, they point us to sci/fi fantasy section... yea, hasn't materialized. After about 45 minutes, we're pouring over the new release table, and there it was! Hidden under some autobiography from some American Idol kid. (Really? How can you be that young and need an autobiography?)

Anyway, snagged my STORIES, and saw Mr. Dill Her0 nudge the remaining copies into a more prominent position.

Also, I did NOT intentionally wear this shirt. It was just a clean black shirt, which I wear a lot of.

So if you need a copy and live in Indiana, B&N Greenwood has about 4 left!

Once upon a time...

2010-06-14T12:43:00.000-07:00

I played in a rock band...

and we got to play with cool bands like Fair Verona, L7, Rusted Root, Avec, Killjoy Confetti, and Perfect Nothing.

Some days I miss it. That's all.

What I learned from Roller Derby...

2010-06-14T06:44:00.000-07:00

My body is capable of way more than I ever thought it was.

Lately we've been upping our game. Our core is getting more intense than ever. Yesterday during a plank, I felt like my abs were tearing, my shoulders were burning, and there was absolutely no way I could possibly hold it for another second.
But I did. And then another, and another, and another...

It's been that way for the past few months. Our coaches ask the impossible from our bodies, and our bodies surprise us by doing what is asked. I would never know what I'm capable of on my own. When I work out on my own, I do my reps, I follow what I "think" I should be doing. When I work out for derby, I do exercises that I would never attempt, reps and lengths that seem way out of my capabilities.
Only they aren't out of my capability at all! Except I would never know that without this sport. It's pushing me to give more and be better, for myself and my team.

Now if only my coaches could scream that final 10lbs off my body...

Spinning!

2010-06-04T03:08:00.000-07:00

I spun some cool stuff!

Some blue and purple. I dyed the fiber then spun it.

Some green I dyed with Kool Aid

Some pink I dyed with kool aid and acid dye mixed together

Some very cool multi colored yarn! I purchased this fiber from THIS etsy shop, one of my faves!

Speaking of which, Rachel and I reopened our etsy in anticipation of the Handiecraft festival next weekend.
It's still a little bare bones right now, but in a few weeks it'll be filled with all sorts of cool things!

Meet the kids... Starkey.

2010-06-03T13:26:00.000-07:00

The second installment of meet my animals!
Lots of my animals were saved from bad situations. Not the case with Starkey. I didn't save Starkey, Starkey saved me.

I had wanted a horse since I knew what a horse was. I loved them. I begged my Mom for riding lessons, a horse, to drive me the long way home so I could catch a glimpse out the car window at a farm with horses. I read every book there ever was about horses. Practical guides, stories... it didn't matter. If it had a horse on it, I wanted it.

Then when I was 12 years old, I did something really, really stupid. I didn't put my seat belt on in a car. It wasn't the law back then, but my Mom usually made me do it anyway. It was late at night, and she didn't check to make sure I had, so feeling like I was getting away with something I didn't buckle up. My brother did, my Mom did, and my Dad did.
The result being, when an uninsured motorist with a borrowed license plate hopped over several lanes of traffic and hit us, I was the only one injured. All of my injuries were located in my face, causing some pretty heavy duty scarring, bone damage, etc.
What does this have to do with a mini horse you ask?

Here's the thing. When a 12 year old girl, in a very small town, hits junior high with those kind of injuries, the results are not kind. It wasn't a simple matter of healing for a summer either. I had done some major damage to my face. It took YEARS of surgery. Since I was so young they had to wait sometimes before doing a procedure to see how my bones were going to grow.

So we got Starkey. When I got called "scar face" on the bus, or told that my face was "scary" by younger kids, I would run home and cry into Starkey's mane. At a time when my confidence was rock bottom, I would work with my horse and gain confidence based on his progress working with me. Having a horse was absolutely a salvation for me back then. He depended on me so I kept pushing through the pain after a surgery to feed and walk him, or the depression that having a messed up face can cause a teenage girl.

When the neighbors complained and we couldn't keep him in our neighborhood anymore I worked my butt off mucking stalls, washing horses, whatever it took for me to afford to board him. In college I had a wonderful co-op situation with other horse people, then when I moved here I of course, took Starky with me.
He's an expense I can't afford and has absolutely no practical use. I don't care. He's my horse, he saved me during the worst years of my life, and I love him to pieces.

The scars on my face aren't as visible now as they used to be, thanks to lots and lots of cosmetic surgery in my teens. You can still tell that "something happened" and my nose doesn't look like what I think it should look like, nor does my chin or upper lip.

It never mattered to Starkey though. I could hobble out to him fresh from the operating table, and he would give me the same happy whinny that he gives me now that I look "normal". Yea, I wish I had a big horse to ride but I could never, ever get rid of Starkey.

The Epic Llama and Mini Move!

2010-06-03T13:02:00.000-07:00

A month or so ago, a coffee shop customer offered to board my llama and mini. The downside? I wouldn't get as much riding time. The upside? He lives about a block from the shop. So instead of a 30-40 minute drive to see my critters, it would be a 5 minute drive.
More mini and llama time!
Decided to go for the move... but now we had to find a trailer! Had one person offer me the use of theirs, which turned out to be a 20 foot cow trailer. Um, bit much for our truck, and for the llama and mini. The woman who owns the dog groomers next door to us told us to swing by and borrow hers. So we set everything up for the big move, drove about 30 minutes to go get her trailer and... it set too high for our truck hitch!
The sensible thing at this point would have been to cancel the move for the day, regroup, find another trailer and try another day.
HOWEVER, I am me. When I have a PLAN, the plan happens. So a few phone calls and texts later I wrangled up another trailer, and we were off again.
Drove out to the barn, grabbed Flippy, tied him up, loaded up my cart, harness, tracked down the odds and ends of my things that tend to get "borrowed" by other boarders, grabbed Starkey and loaded him in the trailer.
Then Starkey had an EPIC FREAK OUT! Took me a few seconds to realize why; there was a wasps nest right next to his head!. Untied him, hurried him out of the trailer, had Dill go in with his shoe and take care of wasp nest.
At this point, Starkey was like, "hell no I'm not going back in there! No way!" So my normally easy to load mini planted his hooves and refused to budge. I made a "butt rope" swung it around his back end, gave him a little tug, and in he went.
Hot, sweaty, and already worn out, I then turned to Flippy to load him. Flippy was not having it. Butt rope didn't matter, he spit, made crazy llama noises, and flat out refused to get in the trailer.
20 minutes of struggle, and we were ready to just leave his furry llama butt behind! Then I had a brainstorm. Grabbed a bucket of grain shook it through the window of the trailer, and in Flippy went!
The answer to any llama training question is food. Always.

Drove them to the new digs, where they hopped and skipped around, and made friends with the resident mini, Cheesecake.

Flippy seemed really content to eat all those wonderful tree leaves.

Cheesecake and Starkey are getting along fine!

Neighborhood children were delighted, as they had never seen a llama before.

Then of course, being an EPIC day, the customer who owned the property had to dash off when his son broke his arm in three places.
It was that kind of day for everyone I suppose.

But the animals are safe and sound, child is in a cool cast and has three pins in his arm, and neighborhood children are lining the fence staring in awe at the llama. (they're used to the mini horse thing by now)
Next week I am starting my portly mini on a driving training program, since I had not realized how *ahem* PADDED he had become over the winter! Which will be much easier now that he is closer! (Wonder if I can drive my mini to work at the coffee shop???)

Starkey and Flippy

2010-06-01T06:30:00.000-07:00

Tonight, if all goes well, we will be moving Starkey and Flippy to a new barn for the summer. New barn = less riding time for me, but more time overall with my horse and llama. So it's a pretty good trade!

We went to their current barn on Saturday and watched my mini causing trouble. (he's usually the instigator for any and all shenanigans)

Here he is causing a little stampede. He does that. A lot.

And as all horsie people know, this is what happens when you brush a horse.

Hopefully the big move goes smooth. I'm going to try and snag a kiddie pool for the llama since the new barn doesn't have a water tub big enough for him. (he sits in it when it's too hot)!

Meet the kids... Ernie.

2010-05-28T15:09:00.000-07:00

Those of you that know me, know that I am PASSIONATE about my animals. And other peoples animals. And random animals, stray animals, animals on television... whatever, I have a problem.
Lately, due to the economic downturn in Indiana, I've seen lots and lots of animals lose their homes. Horses, cats, dogs, and birds. I've also recently been talking to the Fabulous Lorraine. Who is fabulous. And rescues some amazing kitties. You should go talk to her about them. They need homes, and she can hook you up. If I didn't already have a gazillion animals, I would have one of those kitties.
Speaking of gazillion animals, I thought I would, one by one, introduce everyone to the "kids", through a series of blog posts, and tell you how they came to live with me. So let's meet Ernie!

Ernie had a sad story. His name used to be "Moo Moo" which in itself is a cruelty I think. One night his house caught on fire. The family got out, and when a fireman asked the family if everyone was safe, they said yes. Then the fireman heard the dog barking, rushed in, and snatched him up. He gave the family their dog, and they left. It wasn't until a few hours later that the fireman realized that the dog he had saved was still sitting in the yard.
He called the family the next day, to tell them they had forgotten their dog. They responded with, "please drop him at the pound" The fireman WANTED to keep the dog, but he was incredibly allergic. So he dropped this cute, soot covered, hair slightly burned dog at the local animal control.
They cleaned him up, for the most part, there was still some soot, but overall he was okay. But BOY was he a scared doggie! A high school volunteer loved him so much, and renamed him Ernie, after the fireman who had pulled him out of the fire. She begged her dad, her mom, her grandparents, ANYONE to let her take Ernie home. They all said no.
So the day came when Ernie was going to be put to sleep, since there wasn't enough room in the shelter. The girl called Ernie's family to make sure they didn't want their dog (they didn't) and then, legend has it, she threw a tearful pleading begging ranting tantrum, swearing up and down, "My Dad can be convinced. Give Ernie one more day"!
But her Dad really couldn't be, and after postponing it for over two weeks, the head boss of that animal control came in, and put his foot down. Ernie had to go.

Then I came in that shelter.

I asked the staff if they could pretty please bring a smallish dog up front because I couldn't bear to go in the back. They said no, I had to go to the cages and look for myself. So I did, and bawling my head off, noticed one little dog that was just cowering in the back of his cage, and didn't come up when I walked by. My friend Mike was with me, and he stopped and called to the little dog, who, shaking all over, came up. We got him out of the cage, and he sat on my foot, looked up at me, and I swear to every higher power, he was just telling me, "Please". I hadn't 100% planned on getting a dog, so I asked one of the volunteers if I could come back the next day and walk this dog around a little bit.
She looked at me and said, "I'm not trying to hard sell you, but Ernie has until 3pm today. So if you want him, it has to be now. If not, there are lots and lots of other dogs that you can walk tomorrow".
So I clipped a leash on him, walked him to the front, filled out the paperwork, and they let me take him home, telling me he was a Yorkie, and that a girl would be very happy when she came in later that day.

Two days later I got a slightly hysterical call from the animal control, saying, "look, I know this is strange, but can you take a picture of Ernie with today's paper and mail it to us"? Which I did, since apparently the nice volunteer girl who kept Ernie around long enough for me to find him didn't believe he had actually been adopted. I happily sent a Polaroid picture of me, Ernie, and my mini horse, and a separate picture of Ernie sitting on that day's paper and mailed it off. I received a very sweet, tear jerking card thanking me for saving "her" dog, and telling me that he was special.

Ernie, who I have been informed, is not a bit Yorkie, but most likely a lot Corgi, IS special. He's been my little buddy since 1997, and is now somewhere around 16 years old. Still acts like a puppy, just a little bit slower these days. Though I can still talk him into the super fast crazy puppy run, and he will sit pretty, play dead, and hi-five for a cookie.
I don't know about his life before me, just that he's always been afraid of men, and he used to pee himself if anyone so much as raised their voice. If you yelled at him, he would pee, shake all over, and cower in fear. So I'm guessing that not very good things happened to him before fireman Ernie pulled him out of that house.

Ernie (Whose full name is now Ernest Rugby Wilkinson Carr) has been my best friend, and I wouldn't be the person I am today without him in my life. So if you have room in your house, and you want to fill it with a little more love, think of your nearby shelter, or local animal rescue. Somewhere, really close to you, is another Ernie, who might only have a little time left, and is just waiting for you to clip on a leash, and take them home.

I have awesome birthday fairies and awesome pattern buyers!

2010-05-20T07:05:00.000-07:00

My entire family chipped in, and gifted me with the go ahead to order the Siren skates I wanted! In 6 weeks I will have the coolest color clashing skates known to woman! (pink and purple FTW)
I was still a little short on the plate I wanted, and the second color, but then a check came in the mail for my Knit Picks Patterns sold! And it was EXACTLY the amount I needed for the upgrades. Like, to the dollar!
YIPPEEE!!! Now I wait for the longest 6 weeks EVER to be up!

PS- there is a brand new FREE pattern of mine up on the Knit Picks site! Grab it!

The greatest announcer prank ever?

2010-05-19T08:49:00.000-07:00

During our first and second season, I believe that our announcers, Dill and Brownie Her0, pulled off the greatest announcer prank ever, on D'nouncer Duane from Kansas City.
BACKSTORY
Naptown Roller Girls flew Duane in for our first ever bout, Cherry Stomp, to help show our announcers the ropes. He taught them a few things, partied with all of us, and ate large amounts of White Castle, since apparently the chain is not to be found in Kansas. (lucky you Kansas)
Then he flew home.
When Brownie was cleaning up, he found that Duane had left his socks behind.
IT BEGAN
The next year was spent taking the socks all over town, to parties, derby bouts, new years parties... it was kind of weird. Derby girls stuffed socks in their bras and panties, did shots with socks, we took them on stage with us at events, socks went everywhere!

Then the boys had to figure out the best way to return the socks to Duane. During all of this, Duane had no idea where his socks were! So the boys enlisted the help of super hottie scoreboard girl, Red Rocket. (If you come to NRG bouts, she's the one dressed as the Mad Hatter, A pod racer, a jedi, a... um, dominatrix with big hair???)
Rocket when she was a ref, and the socks:

Rocket, being an awesome photographer, offered to photograph Dill and Brownie with the socks. She didn't exactly know what they wanted to do with the socks, just that both our announcers insisted that Rocket look as frumpy and ugly as possible for the shoot.
This is the picture.
WARNING: There is no nudity, but um... maybe NSFW. Just saying!

The boys had those made into posters, and mailed them to Duane. Along with the remaining sock (the other one got lost when yours truly crashed into the announcers booth and spilled all their beer) some White Castle Hamburgers in ziploc bags, and a song they wrote about the socks.

But it gets better.

See, Duane was out of town when the package arrived. So it sat for about four days or so. Then, when Duane got home, he brought over his girlfriend, and his girlfriends parents, and decided to open the package. According to Duane, after he opened the box and the stench of week old White Castle hit, he ran and got tongs to remove the contents!

So there it is. I'm of the opinion that our announcers pulled off the greatest announcer prank in derby. Any challenges to that claim?
Wanna hear the song? CLICK HERE!

What Sasy Ate Today...

2010-05-18T03:43:00.000-07:00

It's been a very long time since the last "What Sassy Ate Today" post. I was very pleased with Sassy for her lack of eating things. She's slimmed down a bit, her hips no longer bother her due to her being overweight, and I no longer dread coming home to see what she's gotten her little paws on.
Until yesterday. (apologies for the camera phone picture)

Sassy ate $40. Luckily only $20 of it was marred, and most of the bill is intact, so I think the bank will still take it. The other $20 she was hiding under her belly for later noms.

Different kinds of crazy...

2010-05-13T07:50:00.000-07:00

Owning a coffee shop, I really do see all different kinds of people. Eccentric, blase, rude, hyper, nice, needy... all sorts. If you ever want some interesting people watching, hit your local coffee shop. Not a Starbucks, but the neighborhood place with real ties to the community. It's a whole different sort of world.
We had some crazy customer incidents this week. I got screamed at by a man in his bedroom slippers, who then asked me for a job application ( I didn't have any. I would have given him one just to see what he put down for giggles) then he screamed me some more when I couldn't produce one. I happened to be by myself since Dill was catering, and the incident left me sort of freaked out.

One of our regular, ah, "eccentric" customers, who some days asks herself a question in one voice, then answers herself in another voice, has been coming in here for five years. Good days, and bad days. The bad days could be really, really bad. She would scream, screech, bang her cup, it would get awful sometimes. The good days, she was still strange, but didn't really bother anyone.
One time, as she was leaving she stood up, poured her cup of coffee into her purse, and went out the door. Just to give you an idea of what we're working with here!
The past few weeks, there have been... issues. Issues that involved me having to do massive clean ups in the restroom. For some reason, she did not want to poo in the toilet. Instead it was the sink, the trash can, the floor, the mop sink, it was awful. The 5th time it happened I broke down in tears. I was exhausted and frustrated. Dill took action, and the next day told her that she just could not come in here anymore. I felt awful about it, he felt awful about it, but it was just too much for us.
She has live in help, and one of them came in to talk to me yesterday. It turned into me lecturing them about the fact that for FIVE YEARS, they have not once come in, told us what her situation was, what we could do when she was having a breakdown, etc. Not to mention the fact that she would walk straight out into busy traffic to get to us, without even glancing at oncoming cars. Once someone almost hit her, and followed her to the shop to see who she was with, since they were terrified that they almost killed her with their truck. She would walk here in freezing rain and blizzards without ever wearing proper coats or gloves. I told this woman all of that, and for a few minutes, she tried to stand strong and make me feel bad for kicking her out of my coffee shop, but by the end she had backed down, and apologized to me for everything that has gone on here. I talked to one of the neighbors of this woman (we ARE a community place) and she informed me that during the time she came here, it was the "break time" for the nurses. They would say how relieved they were to get her out of their hair for a few hours.
I really do feel awful about it. I hated saying that she wasn't welcome here anymore, but I just reached my breaking point. I did end up saying that she could come in if, and only if, one of the nurses was with her, and that if things went south they would have to leave. I was told by Dill that I'm too nice.

Believe it or not, she's pretty tame as far as our crazy customer stories go. There was the guy in the hoodie that tried to attack one of our workers, claiming he (the guy in the hoodie) was in the Russian Mafia and in Indiana to kill a child molester. He had also followed a group of 4 teenage girls into the shop, produced the license of one of the girls neighbors, and told the girl he was sent to kill her neighbor. We called the cops both times.

There was the half blind guy that just REEKED of crack pipe. Some days he had 20 hundred dollar bills in his pocket, other days he was trying to panhandle outside. He was pretty harmless, just smelly.

There was Karate Kid that worked next door at the pizza place. He made me sad. He was really messed up, and would come in and show us his "ninja moves" or ask to clean our windowsills. He was off, but harmless. He had a seizure and died about a year after we first opened.

2 Liter guy started off as just a typical group home level crazy. He was okay. Sometimes he would buy a coffee, and hang a notice on the bulletin board asking if he could please mow someones lawn for free, to give him something to do. He's deteriorated since then. Last time he was around he ran into the market next door and took off with SEVEN(!) 2 Liters in his hands and booked it across the street to home. He's not too bad. He'll just try to come behind the counter, or he'll take any and every business card or menu he can grab. The market knows his mom, so they'll call her to come get him whenever he comes around.

Diarrhea guy doesn't come in anymore, but his caseworker used to bring him here. He had a head injury and is "stuck" in 1995. We called him Diarrhea guy because he always sang the Beavis and Butthead song "Diarrhea.. cha cha cha"! by way of greeting. He always wanted to give the girls peppermints and would ask us if we were mad at him. (we never were)

Some day I need to write down all the weird crap that happens here. But there is a taste of it at least. And before anyone accuses me of being mean and giving horrid nicknames to people with special needs... EVERYONE gets a nickname here. I see so many people that I hardly ever know anyone's name. So we have our regulars, comic book guy, bookstore guy, the twins, mohawk chic... everyone knows there nicknames, no one cares. In fact, I've been known to bump into someone at a store and say, "Hi small double raw sugar skinny latte, hows your husband Awesome Tron Shirt"?

Spring Roll Ft. Wayne

2010-05-11T07:23:00.001-07:00

Photo by Tom Klubens
This past Saturday was the Spring Roll Tournament in Ft. Wayne. It started for me, on Friday. Remember the super busy week from the last blog post? Well it kept getting busier! We got booked for a few more catering jobs, and seriously, by Friday I could barely keep my eyes open at work! I was dropping cups, making mistakes, it was a mess! Right as Sweet C was picking me up, the shop was exploding with customers there to check out a new art show, and one of our employees called in.
Ugh.
Dill told me to go, so I went, but I felt freaking awful leaving him in the mess. I slept all the way to Ft. Wayne, which C found amusing. She kept saying, "she curls up just like a cat and sleeps anywhere"! Which is pretty true. I have been known to sleep in my office chair for a couple of hours. Not a big comfy office chair either. One of the really cheap ones that swivels.
We all ate together, then crashed in the hotel room. I was so excited there was a coffee maker, but dismayed to find out in came with the coffee already in the filter like a tea bag! No way was I drinking that! When morning came (all 5:30 am of it) I cut open the filter, poured out the crappy coffee, and replaced it with my own Strange Brew Coffee. Yummy!
We headed over to the Coliseum, suited up and warmed up, then played our first bout of the day against the Ft. Wayne Derby Girls Bomb Squad. We've played Ft. Wayne several times before. Our first season, they smoked us. Our second season... they sort of smoked us. Our third season it was a down to the wire last minute jam and we pulled out an 8 point win. Everyone in the derby world was predicting a close bout. Everyone but us.
I don't know why, but we were beyond confident. Personally I knew we were going to win, and I knew it would be no contest. And it wasn't. From the get go we dominated them, and pulled out a 99 point victory. Only a few stupid fouls, one of their girls turned and clocked one of our girls with her shoulder into our girls throat. She got called on it, and later asked us to apologize for her, calling it the "dumbest move she's made all day". They weren't getting dirty, they were getting frustrated. We were locking down their jammers, and they didn't know how to answer to it.
Know what? It felt really, really freaking good. I loved every single second I was out on that track. Even the few times we missed their jammers, it was heaven out there.
We had a very long break before our next bout, against the regionally ranked #2 Detroit. I was envious of the fact that they didn't have to play a bout before they played us AND a bunch of them got to sleep in. Lucky bitches ;)
We weren't expected to win that bout, and we didn't. But we DID have a much stronger showing than the derby world was prepared for. I think we lost by 46 or 50, and not the 200 point blowout that was expected.
Honestly, if we hadn't played a bout beforehand, and if we hadn't had a couple of jammer fouls in the second half, I think we could have taken them. I eagerly await a rematch!
What's this mean for our shot at regionals? No idea. Hopefully good things. I am on pins and needles waiting for the next ranking to come out.

On a side note, the Riedell rep was there. Look, I've been pretty happy with my 265 Wickeds. I love those skates! Sure, the heel slips! Sure my heel kind of pops out when I run on my toes! But they are good skates! I always laughed at the girls who obsess over the latest and greatest skate that comes out, why it rocks, why it should be bought, etc. I went through two other pairs of skates before settling on my Wickeds, and those suckers have served me faithfully for almost 5 years now!
Then.. I saw these:

The 1065 Siren. No padding on the ankle, can be heat molded to your foot, and see those metal buckles attached to the laces? That's part of a band, that goes around your ankle, inside the boot of the skate, so when you lace the skates, your ankle is laced in as well. No more foot popping out. Wider toe, narrower heel... and custom colors. Oh yes. I am all about the custom colors. Pink boot, black tongue. Or pink boot, purple tongue. Or pink boot, hot pink tongue, or blue tongue, or, or....
I have never wanted a pair of skates so badly in my entire life!
Want.
Want.
Want.
I mean, if we make it to regionals, I should have new skates right?????

Asking myself why I do this...

2010-05-06T09:47:00.000-07:00

Ever look at yourself, your hobbies, your job, and think, "what the hell am I doing"? I'm having one of those weeks.
We have been booked for catering every single day. Which means we need two people out catering, and two people working the morning rush at the shop. Since we have so few employees the results are a full week of open to close shifts for Dan and I.
Combined with the Spring Roll tournament in Ft. Wayne this Saturday, that means my life right now is nothing but work and derby. Up at 3am to load the trailer and get catering stuff ready. Bake, brew coffee, etc. Either go with Dan to cater or run the shop. If it's a practice day, leave Dan at the shop at 5pm, go home, change, straight to derby until 9pm. Get home at 9:45 or so, wash all the catering towels and tablecloths, take a shower, eat dinner, get in bed around midnight. Repeat. All. Week. Long. Throw in the total random incidents at the shop (Had to bounce our resident eccentric from the shop. Sure, every coffee shop needs their resident eccentric, but ours started pooing in inappropriate places. Proof of the fact that I'm too nice for my own good, I let it happen no less than 5 times before I finally, nicely, let it be known she could not come in here anymore)
I should be absolutely miserable at practice. I'm tired, haven't slept, my body is so incredibly sore from how hard we've been pushing and practicing for this (not to mention the fact that I'm squeezing in any spare seconds I can to run, lift weights, or even just do push ups in my office), my body is literally a mass of bruises. I can't sleep on my right side at the moment due to the amazing amount of bruises on that hip.
Everything that isn't work this week, is derby. No time to play with the horses, no time to sit and hang out and knit or work on spinning yarn, nothing but derby, derby, derby, every spare second of every single day.
But instead of being miserable, I found myself smiling last night. I spent no less than two hours in scrimmages and drills. I was not rotated out a single time. So every single jam, 2 minutes at a time, I was in the pack, hitting, getting hit, falling, getting back up, getting hit again, opening holes, working plays... I should have been bitching and hating life! It kind of surprised me, in this abstract way, to realize I had a GIANT smile on my face. Even when I left practice, dragging my bag, gingerly poking a bruise to see if it was knotted underneath, getting home and taking a shower, inspecting a brand new bruise on my back, another on my shin, one more developing on the top of my foot... and still I'm smiling!
This week has pushed my endurance with derby. These open to close shifts, then we'll have a tournament Saturday, with our first game being at 8AM(!!!), but I'm realizing that I'm still loving every second of this.
Logically, I should quit. I have no time. I MISS free time. I miss it so very much! And sleep. Oh god do I miss sleep! But I just can't imagine it. I can't bear the thought of seeing a game and not being down there, getting new bruises, working new plays, sweating with some of the most amazing women I'll ever meet...
Monday, when we have a big meeting, and announce whose staying next season and whose going, I know that despite swearing up and down that this year was it for me, I'm coming back. It's not the smart decision, or probably even the right decision to make. But I just don't know any other one I can make. I have never, ever, loved a sport like this one. This sport is greater than me, greater than my team, greater than any one girl or one single group. It's a collective of DIY punk ethos that decided, "I don't fit in anywhere, let me make my own niche in the world" and slowly the world has started accepting derby. But no matter how big it gets, there's still a girl, seeing it for the first time, who never thought she would do anything like this, ordering skates. Taking laps around her driveway. Trying to read and understand the breakdown of a crossover, or a t-stop, who will someday step out in her first bout, and perform that perfect block, or that perfect jam, that helps her team, and makes her heart swell, and in the stands, there will be a girl, seeing it for the first time, who never thought she would do anything like this...
Could you give something like that up if you were me?

Dear last 10 pounds...

2010-05-03T09:58:00.001-07:00

Look, we've been through some great times together. You were the first ones to jump right on board during the first roller derby break. In the beginning it was all good. Sure, my jeans were a little snug, but so was my bra! I figured it was a good trade! But then, 50 of your friends started creeping in. I get that you wanted company, but I'm not into the whole "open relationship" thing. A little experimenting here and there sure, but soon, you had me sucked into a world of cheese and ice cream... I just wasn't ready to go that far!
I got rid of your 50 friends, but you? You just can't seem to take a hint! Months and months after they leave, and you still hang around! You've become that dude at the party that doesn't comprehend that all the other guests are gone, I've already changed into my pajamas, and you're asking if there are more chips!
So look. I'm usually too nice to be this blunt, but it's over. You need to get the hell off of my body. I'd suggest departing quickly and quietly, otherwise we're going to have to get Shaun T involved in our lives on a daily, instead of weekly, basis. You don't want that do you?
You have until July 15th. Au Revoir hips!

Dating a roller girl: A survival guide

2010-04-30T10:47:00.000-07:00

Some words of advice if your girl decides to take up derby:

1. If she gets naked, and tells you to "come look at my ass, quick"! don't get excited. She just wants to show you a new bruise shaped EXACTLY like an Atom wheel.
2. If she's fully clothed, and tells you to "come look at my ass, quick"! again, don't get excited. She just wants to show you that her ass is now so well developed, she can balance a beer on it.
3. If she's whining about how much pain she is in, do NOT, repeat, do NOT, say, "why don't you just give up derby". This will only result in,
a) cold shoulder
b) yells of "you don't understand"!
c) the ENTIRE TEAM giving you the cold shoulder for your lack of support.
4. If she is whining about how much time derby takes, see #3.
5. Just accept the fact that sometimes her sweat will smell like beer.
6. Also just accept that your formerly demure, sweet, and quiet girl, may forget that she's not in the company of 60 other roller girls, and smell her pits in public.
7. If you smell something funky in your living area, it's the skate bag. Find it, hide it far away from you. Do not, under any circumstances, open the bag.
8. When she comes home and announces that she's going to wash out her pads, find an excuse, any excuse, to leave the house before she gets them out of her bag. Run fast.
9. Do not be alarmed if she has a "wife" in the league. It's nothing personal.
10. When she is on her period, chances are, the entire league is on their period. All 30-80 of them. Keep it in mind.
11. She will consider panties appropriate attire. Don't try to fight it.
12. Don't waste your money on jewelry. She wants new wheels. If you really want to get laid, new wheels AND bearings.
13. It's not a good idea to let her drive if she's just been skating. She will see the car as one giant roller skate, and every other driver as the opposing team.
14. Those cute feet that you love? Say your goodbyes. They will develop blisters, "pusher creatures", bruises and bunions. Make sure to tell her "they're not that bad" when she goes to wear flip flops in the summer.
15. If you're a girl dating a roller girl, don't try to fight it. You'll probably become one too.
16. If you're a guy dating a girl, either accept your derby widow status, or try to support her by supporting the league as a volunteer.
17. Overall, say goodbye to the girl you once knew. She's been replaced by a roller girl. She's still the same person, just stronger, more confident(and if you're smart) to you, a million times more beautiful.

Horses!

2010-04-28T04:40:00.000-07:00

After weeks of struggle, I finally got my butt out to the barn to go riding! It's been a constant battle of taking a couple hours off, only to have the sky open up with rain!
Since my horse is a little guy, if I want to ride I have to depend on the kindness of the barn people. Yesterday I got to ride Classic, whom I LOVE! He's a bundle of energy. From the second I get on and say go, he's all, "OMG! Yay! Riding! Let's go fast! Can we go fast yet? Is it time to go fast NOW? Hey what's that over there? Let's go FAST and check it out!!!!"

Since it was still too muddy to go outside, we did lots of controlled trots and canters indoors, which was not the FAST that Classic likes to go, but after about 30 minutes he had settled down.
After a couple hours, when I started realizing that I had derby practice the next day, and my calves were already killing me, I cooled him down, and went to put him in the cross ties to take the tack off and brush him.
When we had our "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING"?? moment.
See, even the calmest, sweetest horse, has that moment when a leaf, a plastic bag, or the same bucket they have seen every single day for years freaks them out! All of a sudden the leaf is a bloodthirsty dragon, the bucket is an instrument of torture, etc.
Classic had that moment when I went to clip the second half of the cross ties onto his halter. Eyes rolled back in the head and he BOLTED! Pulled out of the cross ties, saddle still on, martingale dangling and he took off! Luckily, I had closed the main gate, so it was only a few minutes of chasing him around the indoor ring. But still. My yell alerted everyone else at the barn, who already eye me suspiciously due to the pink hair, tatoos, and insistence on posting when I trot.
I caught Classic quickly and safely, got his tack off and put him out with the other horses, where he told his story of the big scary THING that almost got him, but he was quick enough and strong enough to get away!

That's Starkey, my miniature horse.

This is Bella, who is green broke and beautiful. I love her lots.

I'm going to try and get out again as much as possible in the next couple weeks. Classic is being GIVEN AWAY and won't be at the barn anymore. He's the 3rd horse to leave this year. Unfortunately, with the economy getting bad, horses are one of the first things people get rid of. The auctions have been beyond crowded the past few years, with more horses than buyers. I WISH we had enough to afford boarding another horse, but we just can't right now.
Hopefully it's dry enough before he goes away to get outside and GO FAST at least one more time!

Hey look! More Neil Gaiman!

2010-04-26T08:46:00.000-07:00

My awesome friend Tom Klubens took a bunch of pictures the night we met Neil. He also does some of the photograhy/design for our yearly Naptown Roller Girls calender, AND takes lots and lots of pictures of us when we block/hit/score/fall/scream/cheer during derby bouts!

This thing was there. We didn't know why, we just knew we had to put our faces in it. And our cleavage. Because our tatas are wanted. No pictures of the cleavage. Just know that it happened.

That is photographic evidence of my excitement level. After some contemplation, I realized part of the reason I had said I never wanted to meet Neil. I didn't want him to be a jerk that didn't live up to the, for lack of a better word, expectations I had about meeting him.
But he did. So that was cool.

Mr. Debauchery's excited face.

Dill was excited to meet the food guy. We were cracking jokes with him while we were there, and he tolerated us... so props to food guy!

That's our group meeting Neil!

Neil speaking.

Dinner with Neil

Mrs. and Mrs. Ire. I love both of these gals so much!

So. That should be the end of my fangirl gushing. Again, it was nice, Neil was nice, Lorraine and Cat who helped arrange the whole thing were nice... that is all. Those of you that I have never met but have found my cell phone number and have called to congratulate me/ask for an introductions.. um, nice, but a bit creepy. So please don't do that.
Right, there is an agent eagerly awaiting me to finish up this pattern and send it to her, so I'm getting back to work!

Learning to Spin

2010-04-26T06:01:00.000-07:00

I got some practice time in on my wheel this weekend. (Since it rained and I could NOT go riding. BOOO)
I'm making progress I think!

This is attempt number 1. It's a teeny tiny skein the size of my hand.

Attempt number two looked a little better, but I've got lots of kinks where the twist was too tight. I tried adjusting the tension but it didn't seem to help.

Attempt number 3 was lots more fun, but still overtwisting in some places and undertwisting in others. I like the way it looks though! I'm thinking of whipping up a scarf in it. Reminds me of the joker with it's bright green and purple!

Attempt number 4 was a tiny bit of super soft roving. Still overtwisting, but still nice. I'm trying not to get frustrated at my lack of instant perfection. This takes time to learn right???

I just went shopping for some new roving over at Bananamigraine's etsy!

Lots of pretty colors, can't wait to get it and try some more spinning!

It's official!

2010-04-23T04:26:00.000-07:00

I am turning into my Grandmother! (Minus the ability to make those awesome peach cookie things)
We bought this a week ago, and finally got it put together!

I tried to spin on it a bit, and discovered that I need oil. Also that it was midnight and I wake up at 330am. So... this weekend hopefully.

Speaking of this weekend... Project number one on the list, clean this up:

Project 2: Get my ass out to the barn, and go riding. Also hook Starkey up to his cart. Which means figuring out the harness...
Should be a very interesting Sunday!

Nuvo pics!

2010-04-20T15:34:00.000-07:00

Nuvo Street Team was at our last bout and took some lovely photos! Including this one of me with an ice pack. You can tell my jaw is a little wonky here...
But hey! Solid food today! WIN!

http://www.nuvo.net/StreetTeamBlog/archives/2010/04/19/naptown-roller-girls-bout-fury-on-the-flat-track

Mr. Debauchery talks about meeting Neil Gaiman

2010-04-20T04:33:00.001-07:00

My friend Dylan (Mr. Debauchery) wrote this on facebook about meeting Neil Gaiman. With his permission I'm swiping it and posting it here, so you guys can have another perspective of the evening.

Meeting Neil Gaiman
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Yesterday at 11:05am
I wrote all of this last night, but couldn't get my home computer to upload it, so sorry to those of you who have been waiting for it. (If you are tagged, please tag anyone who was there that I missed. I am not FB friends with all of them.)
This was supposed to just be about meeting Neil Gaiman, but it has turned into so much more. A love letter to my wife, to Roller Derby and to Geekdom. Please bear with me as I ramble.
Background:
It was well over two years ago that my wife, Amanda, and I went to a Naptown Rollergirls bout together. We screamed and drank and rowdied with the crowd until we lost our voices. We hung with the ladies at the after-party and screamed and drank some more. T’was a delight.
Upon waking the next morning we nursed our respective hang-overs, each in our respective manners. (Me= Orange Gatorade and Gordetto’s snacks, Her= water and coffee.) We then recapped the events of the previous night and she said, with no trace of irony, “I think I am going to try out for the team.” Just weeks later she was suited up and doing work-outs with other hopefuls. She would come home tired and achy, but excited. It is important to point out here that she was older than many of the other “fresh meat” (A derby term for newbies.) by some years. I do not do this to paint a picture of a 40ish woman going through a mid-life crisis. (We both believe that mid-life crises are for people who have not bothered to live fully.) I mention this because, at 41, my wife told convention to piss off and strapped on skates for the first time in 20 plus years and busted her ass with people 20 years her minor.
So, buckets of sweat later and her skin a canvas painted in bruises, she makes the team. She went to every practice and, literally, worked her ass off. Yeats and I supported her by having baths of Epsom salt waiting for her after each practice and the occasional back\neck\leg massage to ease her tired, sore muscles. The toughest thing was dealing with the time that the sport takes. Each lady is not just responsible for being fit and making the practices. They also take stake in the league, working on committees, performing community work and helping wherever help is needed. Bear in mind, this league was built and is now maintained in the DIY\Punk Rock Ethic. As large as it has grown, it is still very much driven by the people who volunteer time to make it happen. So, there were some weeks that we saw very little of each other, though she always made time for Yeats and I between all of the things going on in her life. (She had also just received a promotion at her job which required even more of her dwindling time.) Yes there were frustrations, but overall, the adjustment was good and I was, still am, a proud husband.
The plus for me in all of this is that I have made many great new friends and have had the opportunity to reconnect with some old ones. (My days in the sideshow and doing the Secret Cabaret encompassed a lot of the same people who are now involved in Roller Derby. Great minds.) I have been able to get involved volunteering time to help with setting up for bouts and I have become intimately familiar with the sport and grown to love it so much more.
“Okay, okay. But what does all this have to do with meeting Neil Gaiman,” I hear you cry. Geez, you’re so impatient. Well, I told you all of that so that I could tell you this:
How it happened:
As mentioned, I got to make a lot of new friends. Two of those friends make up what has to be the cutest couple I have met, Joan of Dark and Dill Hero. They both run Strange Brew Coffee House in Greenwood, (http://www.thestrangebrew.net/) and are genuinely good people. I once spent an evening with Dill and his friends having serious discussions about who could beat Buffy in a fight. (Of course, to me she was undefeatable, but Dill, Brownie and the rest felt that the DC Universe might contain a few contenders who could hold their own. The feud continues.) It was remarkable to me in that, again, here I was, an aging punk rocker with a tie-down job, and they invited me into the fold that night with no judgment other than my taste in fictional female heroines.
Okay, back to the story. Months ago the Indianapolis Public Library announced that the speaker at the McFadden Memorial Lecture was to be Neil Gaiman. Tickets were first come, first serve. Immediately I made plans to take that day off from work, pull Yeats from school early and he and I were going to have father\son bonding waiting in line with a bunch of other geeks to see Gaiman speak. Within minutes discussion was boiling on Facebook. Joan let me know that she wasn’t going to be able to get there early and asked if we could hold a space. It was a no brainer. If I am a fan of Neil Gaiman (I have been reading his stuff since his first Sandman came out on the Vertigo label. I rank him in my top five favorite writers, and, as those who know me know, while numbers 6-10 in my Top Ten are constantly changing, my top five, Vonnegut, Faulkner, Gaiman, Douglas Adams and Wille the Shake have not waivered in years.) then Joan is a disciple. If Yeats’ and my excitement could have been converted into energy we could have powered a small dairy farm for a week. Joan could have kept Vegas going for a year.
Yeats was beyond excited when I told him of my plan for the day. He immediately started a list of questions that he wanted to ask him about books he had written, the companies he had worked for and what kind of animals he owned. (We are a family who derive a lot out of the non-human company a person keeps.) So it was even more of a boost when just a few days later I got an e-mail from Joan stating that we didn’t need to worry about waiting in line anymore. We were going to be joining she and Dill at the VIP Reception for Neil at the Mariott. Now, I knew that Joan had been corresponding with Neil to some degree, but I had no idea that it went so far as to garner a meeting. (For more on that see here: http://joanofdarkknits.blogspot.com/2010/04/meeting-neil-gaiman.html) Yeats was now about as excited as a child can be without literally exploding.
The week of the event was filled with Taxes and a huge, half-of-your-grade and you-are-out-of-this-school-if-you-don’t-do-well-on-this school project for Yeats. We had been working on this project since the fall, but, as it was due on that Friday, we were really killing ourselves to polish it and wrap it up. That Thursday I get another message from Joan. Apparently, Neil would like for us to join him for dinner after his lecture. Neil. Dinner. Us. Eating. Talking. Well, that’s when my brain broke. Luckily, it had broken before and I knew how to fix it. One Smithwick’s later I was good to go. Telling Yeats was better than anything that had happened up to that point. He was ragged from late nights working on his project and with it being due the following day he knew he had one more rough night ahead. However, when I told him about the dinner plans he screamed and jumped up and down and generally made as much noise as possible. It was one of those moments that makes you feel like the greatest parent in the world. (And even better as I really hadn’t done anything to deserve it, but, as parents know, you take the accolades whenever you can.)
The Happening:
That Friday was tough. Amanda had an eye appointment that morning. I took Yeats to school and he and I both made a pact to not think about it until that afternoon. (Yeah, right.) 3:30 seemed to never come. When it did, I raced from the office and picked Yeats up from school. He and I giggled and jostled all the way home. Amanda was already there, dressed and ready to go. A few minutes later we were back in my truck and heading to the north side.
We got to the Mariott and saw the group of folks we were meeting with, Joan and Dill, of course, then there was Jocelyn Hoes, Deadie Page, Lizzie Killmeister, Tom Klubens, Blue Messiah, Joan’s dad, Greg, Jane Ire (and if I missed anyone, I am sorry, but I was in a bit of a daze.) and over on the other side of the lobby was Neil Gaiman being ambushed by some fanboys from a horror fan group. (At least that's what we think they were from.) Eventually, we made our way to the reception room.
Now, Socrates believed that the key tenant to all knowledge and growth is “Know Thyself.” Well, I know myself and myself is a loud, obnoxious, speaks-without-thinking kind of guy who comes on very strong, especially when he finds himself nervous. I am also overly-knowledgeable, annoyingly so, of all things pop-culture and can very easily fall into know-it-all mode. (Hey, I am working on all of these things, but it takes time to change. Just ask Peter Brady.) I was determined to be none of those things this night. I wanted this to be all about Yeats and I was going to do everything that I could to make sure that he walked away with a night he wouldn’t forget. So, when Neil came over and introduced himself to us I mustered all of the self-control that I could and shook his hand then stepped behind Yeats.
It was then time to go to the lecture. It was awesome. We got to sit in a reserved section, very near the front of the auditorium. Our neighbor, a librarian, was sitting near us with her daughter who attends school with Yeats, and they were as excited as us. The atmosphere was alive. It reminded me a bit of the crowd at a Roller Derby bout in that it was so eclectic. There were distinguished older patrons of the library, there were young children, there were fanboys and fangirls, there were aging hippies and young punks. Neil gave an inspirational lecture on the power and importance of stories. He reminded us that libraries are as much a refuge from the outside world as they are repositories for books. He read three of his pieces and handled the Q & A with class and grace.
Then back to the hotel to meet him again and take him to dinner.
The restaurant we chose, Shanghai Lil’s, was the result of a flurry of e-mails exchanged between Joan and I that, upon seeing it that evening, Amanda said looked like it was written by two seventh grade girls. Neil showed up back at the hotel where we were all waiting in the lobby. “I do not have a car here, so how am I getting to this place,” Neil asked. As music played and a tumbleweed rolled across the lobby we all looked at each other through slitted eyes and tickled the ivory handles of our six-guns. Somewhere in the distance a coyote howled. Actually, as luck would have it, we were the ones that had room for him in my truck. Amanda and I spoke a lot the next day about the looks on Yeats’ face that evening, but none were so memorable as the one he wore when he found out that Neil would be riding with us.
Neil sat in the passenger seat then turned to face Yeats and answer his questions with a thoroughness that is still staggering to me. Not only did he show Yeats respect, he took the time to make sure that he fully answered his questions. When we arrived at the restaurant, I parked and turned off my car, but he made no motion to get out. Instead he continued to talk with Yeats until he was satisfied that he had fully answered him.
Aside:
I worked at the Children’s Museum in the theater for a number of years. In that time I had the opportunity to meet a lot of people I admired. More than once, I was disappointed. In at least one case, an actress who had appeared in a number of my favorite films and whose work I admired greatly, turned out to be a complete bitch. Diva to the core and not very pleasant to be around. (If you want details I will tell you, but not in writing.) So, it was with great delight that Neil Gaiman turned out to be as down-to-Earth a person as one could hope.
Back to the Action:
We went into the restaurant and they had a table waiting for us. We were joined by Deadie’s BF, Mr. Page, Valerie Hurtinelli, and Jane’s wife, Kerri K. (Another old friend with whom I was reunited thanks to Derby.) and a couple of Blue’s friends. Neil was a gracious guest who talked of bee keeping and what projects he was currently working on (He’s writing and episode of “Dr. Who!!!!!!!!!”). He also told of how he met his fiancée, Amanda Palmer, which made all of the ladies swoon and all of the men feel inadequate. We sat for about two-and-a-half hours talking and having a better time than could have been hoped for. I got to know a few other people with whom I had only a passing acquaintance previously. Yeats was so tired that he fought to stay awake and listen to everything being said. He also learned a new word via Joan…. but that’s a story for another time.
After dinner Neil took a few more minutes to have his photo taken with Joan and her father. Then hopped back in my truck and we ferried him back to his hotel. Yeats again asked questions and Neil answered fully. When we got to the hotel I thanked him and gushed only a little. He asked if we would “like for [him] to scribble on something for us.” Yeats just happened to have his hard-back copy of “The Graveyard Book” with him. Neil took it and spent a couple of minutes drawing a picture on the inside cover of a gravestone that said, “Yeats, R.I.P.”, then signed and dated it. I shook his hand once more, he gave Amanda a hug then went into his hotel. We drove home in awe of how truly classy and gracious someone of his stature is. He conveyed both the hipness his legend portends and the classic demeanor of the English Gentleman. Yeats will not forget this night should he live to be 100 and Amanda and I will forever be grateful to not only him, but to Joan as well.
Wrap it up, Dylan:
I owe a great deal to my wife. She constantly makes me strive to be a better person, a better father and a better husband. She does this not with force, but simply by being her. She is such a good person and wife that she makes me want to improve just to keep up with her. There was talk that night of the high divorce rate in Roller Derby. I feel sorry for those husbands who begrudge their wives’ self-empowerment to the point of divorce. To think of all of the wonderful things they are missing all because of some misguided jealousy and good old-fashioned misogyny.
While meeting an idol was great, and I will not soon forget it, it is more of a side effect of something greater. That is that the love of my life and I have been together after all of these years, and the friends old and new that have been in our lives. We all feed each other, intellectually, emotionally and in some cases literally, and I am thankful beyond words for all of you.

Fury on the Flat Track: Naptown Roller Girls vs. Ohio Roller Girls

2010-04-19T06:30:00.000-07:00

Lined up and ready for the whistle Photo by Marc Lebryk

*As always, click a pic to make it bigger!

The last bout of our 3rd season (last year) we suffered one of our most mentally crushing defeats. Ohio Roller Girls beat us by a handful of measly points. It was painful, painful, painful!
So this season, when I heard that we were playing them again, I was all ready for retaliation! They're a great team of hard hitters, with a really solid defense. They had lost Barracuda this year, which I know had to be a blow for them as she is just an AMAZING jammer.
We came out this season as a whole new team. Our heads have been in it, our training has stepped up, we all do way more training on our own as well (Go me and my 50lb weight loss!!!!), it's just been a brand new Naptown. We've spent all season undefeated at home, and while we had a close call or two, I have really believed that this season was ours! There were a few games that had me worried, Burning River (close, but we pulled off a very solid win) Memphis (great individual skaters, but they lacked our teamwork, and we blew them out) Sioux Falls (Our come from behind victory this season) and Ohio.
Due to sending Octokitties to Neil Gaiman all season long, we ended up going out to dinner with him the night before the bout. Which meant that when bout day rolled around, I was on this incredible high. I felt confident, happy, and just ready to kick ass. To celebrate, I wore my Neil Gaiman shirt that Cat from Neverwear sent me for pre bout practice!

Tom Klubens

We hit the sidelines for the Belles vs. Gang Green bout. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'll put our B team up against some of the A teams out there and watch them win! These girls scrimmage against us and kick ass! I think it took about 5 jams before any points got put on the board and it was all Belles for a long time. Furious first half, but we were confident the Belles had a win on their hands.
We hit the locker room for the second half to get game ready.
During our prep time, I could hear the roar of the crowd, which seemed to be getting louder and louder. I attributed it to everyone being excited by the Belles victory. When we were told to get out to our bench for the Sirens vs. OHRG All Stars game, I realized what was really going on.

That's Mayor Ballard. But look behind him. At the seats. FILLED. All over the place, filled seats! I have never, ever, ever seen us pack the Coliseum like that! It was so loud that I had trouble hearing the whistles!
I was out in the first pack, and from the get go we were hard hitting and moving fast. We were putting points on the board, but just a couple at a time. Each team had solid defense. We shut down OHRG's jammer, and it took them a long time before they got their first points up there!

My friend Rusty nicknamed me the "Bitch Seeking Missile" for this bout. Photo by Marc Lebryk

Marc Lebryk
By the end of the first half, I think it was something like 51 to 5 in our favor. That may seem like a lot, but believe me, in derby, that is not a huge lead. In our bout against Sioux Falls Maiden America put up 28 points in a 2 minute jam!
We went back out after the half and could feel OHRG's rage. Their hits were hard, and they were frustrated. They got a few more points on the board, but they just could not shut down our jammers! At one point, I got tangled up in a pack of OHRG blockers and BAM! Felt this pain in my face as an elbow crashed into my chin. I saw stars, had tunnel vision, and heard the whistle of a ref sending me to the box. Holding my face, I skated over as quickly as I could, sat in penalty and realized that my jaw was out of whack! My face hurt, but my jaw was just uncomfortable. The best way to describe the feeling is when you really need your knee to crack. It just feels out of place and wrong!
Went back into the pack, was in for just a few seconds and was out again! What the hell? An NSO told me after the bout that they were even surprised, as I had only been in for about 30 seconds and had managed to accumulate 5 minors! So... either wrist slap on me or something got confused. Both scenarios are equally possible ;)
Back out again, half a jam and AGAIN! In penalty! WTF????
There was a time out, in which some jammer panty swapping shenanigans were discussed, and the head ref, who had just put me in penalty skated over to me.
"Who put you in the box"?
"Um. You did".
"OOPS! My bad! Get back out there"!
Heehee. I kind of love Dr. Vroom. She might be a Zebra, but she's pretty awesome to own up to her mistake!
Jam started up, and again, hard, crazy hitting from all sides. Jammer shut out after jammer shut out. Ohio managed to put more points on the board, but the final score was still 133-34 in our favor. Such a huge difference from last year!
There was hugging, and screaming, and I just burst into tears. There were of course, photographers all over the place, so I kept trying to bury my face away from them, but they totally caught me in all my snotty, blurry eyed, sobbing glory! I have never ever felt the need to cry after a game before, win or lose, but this had been such a perfect weekend. I met Neil, we had a winning home season, and I am just so in love with this sport, and these girls who sacrifice so much to do this crazy thing that we do, and these fans who support us, and pay to come to our games... it was just overwhelming!

Crying jag series by Tom Klubens

Normally, I hang and do autographs the whole time, but I got through just a few before the adrenaline started wearing off, and my jaw starting throbbing. I am so very sorry that I didn't hang and sign for everyone like I normally do, but I needed more ice and painkillers as quickly as possible.
Once I hit the locker room, I realized that if I did in fact, take painkillers, then my empty stomach would probably protest. I tried eating a piece of pizza, but there was no way I could chew. My brilliant solution? Get to the after party and drink as quickly as possible! That sounds like a great solution right???
Yea. I ended up drunk after two gin and tonics and with my jaw hurting more than ever from jumping around and dancing. So it was a bit of an early night for me!
I have NEVER seen the after party that packed. Or that many skaters without their shirts on for that matter! (No, you will not see those pictures, yes, everyone left their bras on and NO I won't tell you who did it)!
Some after party pics!

A couple of bonus pics from tom Klubens. A fun jammer hit and Booche with her gun show!

Meeting Neil Gaiman

2010-04-18T11:21:00.000-07:00

This may end up being a really, really long blog post. So if you want the short version:
I met Neil Gaiman.
It was the most awesome thing ever.
Before it happened:
The longer version, requires a little bit of background. I grew up with parents who read lots and lots of books, and in turn, read me lots and lots of books. I spent hours in our local Warren Township library, and would check out stacks of books so tall that my arms would be fully extended and my chin would be resting on top of the stack to try and keep everything from falling over. My parents completely encouraged this, and would also take me to library book sales, on the days when you could fill a paper bag full of books for a couple dollars. I would run through grabbing every single book I could (especially if it had a horse on it). My room was floor to ceiling bookshelves!
My Dad used to read me bedtime stories, Edgar Allen Poe (which scared the ever loving shit out of me and made me unable to sleep), Sherlock Holmes ( He and I would try to guess who the bad guy was) and Lois McMaster Bujold (Who was friends with my parents and slightly worried when she realized her books were my bedtime stories).
When I got too old for my Dad to read to me at night, he would still hand me books once in a while that he thought I would enjoy. One day, when I was about 12, he told me to try comic books.
I scoffed at him and rolled my eyes.
So he said, "No, I mean it! Here's the Watchmen. Read it"
I did and loved it.
Then he handed me the Wesley Dodds Sandman, and I liked it and asked him what else I would like.
He handed me a copy of Preludes and Nocturnes, I read it in one night and demanded another one when he woke up in the morning. He didn't have another one, so we went to Bloomington that weekend, went to the comic book store, and tried to figure out what was next in the series. The comic book clerks were slightly alarmed that I wanted to read these, but they still sold us the second book in the series. I read every single thing I could find that had the name, Neil Gaiman on the spine.
Flash forward to the age of 21, and I go on a date with Dill, whom I had known for about 5 years, but hadn't ever really talked to when we decided to go on a date and see whether or not there was something between us. I went out with him, we stopped off at his house, he went to grab something out of his bedroom, and I took a peek at his bookshelf. Absolutely crammed with Sandman books. I decided that he was worth a second date.
How it happened:
Flash forward 6 or 7 years, and a series of interesting events lead to me writing to Neil Gaiman once in a while, and him actually taking the time to write back! Then I start mailing him Octokitties because I am a superstitious nutter and believe they are a key to us winning derby bouts. (Perhaps not too much of a nutter, since as of last night we have a 100% winning home season)
He does not block my emails at this point, but instead, invites myself and some of the derby family to his speech in Indianapolis, as well as the meet and greet beforehand.
My initial reaction was total panic. I could NOT meet Neil Gaiman. It's hard to explain. I like him a lot, and not in a "oh he is so hot" sort of way, or an "oh he's so smart I'll feel stupid" sort of way. It's more that I really admire him, and I enjoy not only his books, but his online presence, and I couldn't imagine that he would be right in front of me. But you know, a 10 minute meet and greet couldn't be too intimidating right?
THEN, the amazing, wonderful, and truly fabulous Lorraine emailed me and said basically, "Neil is yours after the event, take him out for dinner and drinks", to which I replied, "Holy Shit", then realized that might not convey that myself and my friends were receptive to this idea, and send her a more detailed email saying that we would really enjoy that. She also told me that I should be thanking Amanda Palmer, as the whole thing was all her fault.
Meeting Neil
I think I then went into shock for a few days, until it was actually the day of the event. My fellow derby girl Jocelyn Hoes showed up to carpool with us and Tom, and we spent a few minutes squeeing before getting into the car, where we squeed some more. (She also very graciously fixed some of my make-up. The only make-up I wear is for derby, and that just involves smearing as much black eyeliner on as possible)
We got to the hotel, where we were going to MEET NEIL, and saw the back of his head, sitting in a chair, where he was being interviewed. We huddled over by a post, and waited for the rest of our girls to arrive. Once everyone showed up, he had moved into the actual meet and greet room, and we followed. He made his way over to us after a bit, and here, I need to interrupt myself. Every single thing I've ever heard from someone who has met Neil, is, "He's so nice"! I've always wondered about that, because really, how can that be the only impression that you take away from someone that interesting and important? But honestly, holy shit, he is really, really nice. Totally charming, and sweet, and he almost seems a little bit shy! He took a few minutes away from talking with library people to introduce himself to us, and made sure to tell us that it was all Amanda Palmer's fault.

We made sure to mingle with the library people ourselves, and discussed the possibility of Naptown doing some fundraisers for them. One idea that we LOVED involved having some of us read books to the kids!
Listening to Neil
Then we went to the event, where we had some lovely VIP seats and listened to Neil talk, read stories, and answer questions. He was funny, taught us all what a "clap trap" was, (which Dill used the next night at the roller derby) and we had a great time!

Eating Dinner With Neil
We went back to the hotel, where we waited for Neil. Jocelyn and I were trying to talk some of the girls into jumping into the pool while we were waiting, when, probably luckily for us, Neil showed up to go out to eat. There was a brief discussion on how to get him to the restaurant, (he looked slightly alarmed when I mentioned that he could ride bitch between Jocelyn and I) when it was decided that the family of Debauchery would take him. This was probably the best thing ever, as Yeats, the child of Debauchery, is a HUGE Neil Gaiman fan, and according to Mr. Debauchery, Neil paid tons of attention to him in the car, answered questions, etc. They were all thrilled.
At the restaurant, we were joined by Kerri and Valerie, who had apparently been at the bar having drinks bought for them by a man who thought they were hookers. Lovely.
During dinner, Neil was again, super freaking nice. He talked about bees, writing, travel, and... Amanda Palmer.
Neil on Amanda
For a second, I thought that I had stuck my foot in my mouth by asking Neil how he had met Amanda. As soon as I said it, I panicked and was like, "ahhh! That's really personal"! I tried to apologize, but he actually waved me off and told us all the whole story. Which was so sweet, and lovely, and had every girl at the table sighing at the way his face lit up talking about her. This seems really, really wrong to say about a distinguished, British, IMPORTANT WRITER PERSON, but holy hell, he was so freaking CUTE when he talked about her. Adorable even.
Neil on everything else
We spent hours talking, drinking and eating. He talked with everyone about bee keeping, music, Dr. Who, Big Bang, his library, and our insidious plot to kidnap the Fabulous Lorraine and take her to the roller derby. (It is so going to happen)
As we were leaving, I had to go up to him and geek out. I thanked him, told him that him meeting up with us was beyond nice and amazing, and I was extremely grateful. He said that if my emails hadn't been nice, funny, or had they been the slightest bit insane, this wouldn't have happened. Which took me a little by surprise, since my emails involved telling him that I was sending him stuffed Octokitties to ensure that we win derby bouts, so what does an insane email look like???
But all in all, it was the most wonderful evening! All weekend I've just been like, "that didn't REALLY happen did it"? but I've been assured by others that it did.
To cap off the perfect weekend, we won our last home bout of the season. I took my jaw slightly out of socket doing it, and all the photographers managed to catch a happy sobbing emotionally drained me at the end of it, but that is all for the next blog post.
Perfect weekend all in all.

Pictures to prove to myself that it did happen.

This was at the meet and greet. I think the look on my face is totally perfect!

Dill gets people to wear his hat in pictures. It has it's own fan page on facebook. My husband is slightly insane... (the next night he got the mayor to wear it at the derby) I love that Neil was such a good sport about it!

Sigh. I promised myself that I would not look like an idiot in a picture with Neil. Big ol' cheeseball grin here though. Oh well...

What Sassy Ate Today

2010-04-06T08:35:00.000-07:00

The baby gate.

Stupid dog.

Clothes (picture heavy public shaming)

2010-04-05T11:46:00.000-07:00

I think I first realized, that Dan and I might have a problem with owning too many clothes back when we first moved in together. One morning, while laying in bed, I woke up to Dan yelling, "SHIIIITTTT" and then "fwoomp"! We were buried under a mountain of tee shirts. The shelf he had been cramming his hundreds of shirts onto had tilted towards our bed, and collapsed on top of us. We dug our way out, headed to the store, and bought a dresser. Seems the industrial shelving he was using (intended for garages) couldn't handle the clothing collection.
At the moment, we're in the process of converting the smallest bedroom in our house into a closet for my clothes. I feel I should offer some sort of justification. I used to play in a band, and playing twice a week, I couldn't go up on stage in the same thing over and over again right? Or the old, IT WAS ON SALE excuse. But really, the fact is, I own too many dang clothes. Clothing that I will probably never wear again. No matter how much weight I lose, my hips and thighs will never fit back into my size 3 jeans. (Or hell.... my size 7 jeans) I still have clothing that I wore in high school! The only excuse I have is that someday I want to have a daughter. And if she's anything like me, she would be totally into some of the clothes that I used to wear. I remember seeing pictures of dresses my mom and grandma wore and being totally upset that they were long gone!
Yesterday I finally started taking steps to orgainze the closet madness in my house...
Let me just shame myself publicly here shall I?

Yep. That's a fishnet shirt all right... Yea....

The sad thing is, most of these dresses have never been worn. That's my goal this summer, wear all my dresses!

I might have enough black boots. Maybe. That's about half of them anyway...

Closet is threatening to cave in on me...

Um, yea. I wore that shirt a LOT. All the time in high school in fact...

The skirt collection...

The hat collection... part of it anyway

I LOVE this dress. I would wear it, but the color is bad for me. My Grandma made it, and someday, I'm going to sit down and recreate it!

Apparently I'm awaiting a comeback from the grunge movement...

Never worn cute mod dress..

I counted over 40 pairs of shoes yesterday. FORTY! Holy hell...

Steve Madden is totally to blame for the shoe collection, fyi.

Oh wow. Silver heeled sneakers. I wore the heck out of those in high school...

I've never worn this dress, except in a photo shoot for Intake. WHY??? It's so freaking cool!

I found a shelf of never worn shoes. Being addicted to pink, I buy pink shoes. But then I never, ever know what to wear them with! I have a problem...

So yea, that was day 1 of organizing the closet. I did haul a bunch of stuff to goodwill, and gave a whole bunch of stuff to one of my employees to go through. Next weekend the goal is to go through the tubs of clothing that I never unpacked when we moved into the house....

Knit Picks Interview

2010-04-03T05:03:00.000-07:00

A cute interview with Stacey over at KnitPicks.com is now up! Check it out!

CLICK HERE!!!!

Weird Octopus Kitty Thing from Coraline... KNIT

2010-04-02T04:16:00.000-07:00

About a month ago I finally sat down and figured out how to KNIT the little octokittys instead of crocheting them!
I'll sit down and write out the pattern soon, but until then, this one is on it's way to Neil Gaiman!

I used the same technique as a toe-up sock, knit in the round, stuffing as I went! The yarn is a hand dye I did way back when I was first learning to dye! Came out pretty cute!

New Hat!

2010-03-31T06:30:00.000-07:00

My new hat pattern on knitpicks.com has been totally addictive for me! I can't stop knitting the things! The original pattern was done in Swish, which I love, but I also wanted to see what it would look like in Wool of The Andes. I did a few of these with smaller needles than called for as well, again, just to see what it would do to the stitch pattern. US size 7 makes for a much tighter fit for those first few rows, but the overall result is really nice!