Bachlorette Party Shenanigans, and why it's all octokittys fault...
Last Friday we helped a fellow roller girl, Sin Lizzie, bid adieu to single life, in proper roller girl fashion. By getting shitfaced, dancing with strippers, and watching drag queens perform.
I decided to forgo my standard jeans and tee shirt attire, and celebrate the 50lb weight loss in style! Dark skinny pants, black button up shirt, and the super clearance black button boots from Target! Said bye to Dill, who was having a boys night out at Oaken Barrel, and took off with Fin for stop the first stop of the evening.
#1. Slippery Noodle
One of our derby girls works there, so we had a pretty sweet VIP long table set up, where we could be loud, noisy, and raunchy. Which we were. After a couple Midori Sours, Pink Octokitty thing did what it does best.
Got in some boobies.
While Diane may no longer be pregnant, some of the effects of baby carrying are still lingering...
The majority of us went on to the next bar.
#2. Dolls and Taps (???)
Let me tell you right now, there is nothing cooler than being in a gigantic group of roller girls, and walking into a slightly sleepy bar! You could almost hear the record screech to a halt, everyone looked up... it was hilarious! We grabbed our drinks, hit the dance floor, and I think, livened up the joint a bit!
I don't know why octokittys always end up in boobs. They just do! I also have no idea what was up with my hair. I need Dora on standby before I go out..
Then we hit the bathroom. I won't tell you what we were doing the majority of the night in the bathroom, but observe:
Mmmhmmm. Octokitty and Sweet C. Troublemaker this one.
Before anyone who doesn't know me gets the wrong impression, let me stress that there were no illegal drugs or such happening in the bathroom. Just typical roller girl shenanigans. Of which I can not post pictures. Except for this one.
*but there were boobies. I'm just sayin!*
Best part of that night? Walking down the narrow hallway to the bathroom, hypno bomb in hand, with Katya Lookin behind me. Older guy does the nice, stare up and down thing. I'm cool with that. Check me out, I look awesome tonight. But uh... dude? Narrow hallway. I need you to move so I can get back to the bathroom with my drink. Dude isn't moving, he is now leering. Katya, from behind me starts shouting:
"KEEP WALKING DUDE! EYE FUCKING TIME IS NOW OVER! MOVE ALONG!"
I busted out laughing and just shoved past the guy.
We decided it was now time to move our party. On the way out the door, Sin fell down the stairs, and broke her heel. Being a trooper, she just had Helluva help her break the other one off, and we wobbled into a taxi for the next stop!
The shoes right before the break
and after (she lasted another 6 hours on those suckers)
#3 The Unicorn (gay strip club)
Alright, having never been in one of these establishments, I was curious. Obviously, I have no pictures, since cameras aren't allowed. Also obviously, I will not mention which girls went, which girls did not go, and which girls got lap dances. (Or which girl, upon finding out that someone bought her a lap dance, went into the fetal position and refused to move until the guy went away without giving her the dance. heh) We were only in there long enough for me to discover that it was not my scene, though entertaining. The best part, the guy trying to get us not to leave (since we were drunk girls with lots of dollars) by telling us how hot we were, and that we were making him horny, etc. Um... yea. You're wearing leather pants with the butt cut out. I don't believe that what I have going on, is your thing. But here is a dollar for the effort! :)
#4 Ten (??)
At this point the night is blurry. We walked, in the cold, in really awesome cheap shoes from Target, or in Sin's case, broken heels, for what felt like MILES. I can't remember the name of this club, but I believe it was called Ten. By this point, my camera, which is shaky business at the best of times, has completely died. We got through security at the club, and saw a stage filled with.... DRAG QUEENS!!! I love, love, love, drag queens. I love people who get on stage, in crazy costumes, and dance or sing or do cartwheels... it's just totally my scene! We caught the end of the drag show, then EVERYONE hit the dance floor. This club was seriously IT. Loved it, wish that we had started and ended the night there. I wanna go back.
But my ride was tired, it was really late, and I had to work in the morning. So long cold trek back to sober girls car, where we were given a ride back to the Slippey Noodle, where my rides car was waiting. At this point, my feet hurt. So cheap Target boots did pretty darn well considering the height of that heel!
Got home at about 2:30 in the morning, where was greeted by a couple of sleepy dogs, some sleepy cats (well, I say greet, in reality it was like, "oh you survived? Feed me then. Now go away") and a very sleepy husband. Unfortunately Widget the parrot, was very much awake and excited that I was finally home. She chattered at me, and I felt bad just ignoring her, so I got her out and played with her a bit. Being late, I had a very deep conversation with her that went something like, " Seriously. Go to sleep bird. I understand you've had a very hard life, and I'm glad that you, like every other animal in my life saw the flashing neon sign above my head that says, 'THIS ONE! SHE WILL FEED YOU, AND SHELTER YOU, THIS HOUSE IS FULL OF SUCKERS FOR HARD LUCK ANIMALS', and got me to take you out of foster care and into our home, but I'm tired. And hungry. And a little drunk. Go to sleep bird".
Finally she chilled out, and I put her back in her cage and went to bed. Took Octokitty out of my back pocket, and put the little monster in a box to go to Neil, where he can find it a home with someone who can deal with it's awful, awful influence.
An hour later, my alarm went off for me to go to work. Ugh.
To work I went. Made the scones, brewed the coffee, and if I was a little less chatty with customers, they didn't seem to mind. Got home about 8pm that night, and crashed.
Soooo... can someone else on the team get married please? Because that was fun as hell;)
Oh, and can I mention that this was my first time going out with a smart phone? So to my facebook friends, I apologize. I was, to quote myself, "detting grunk".