Older Post Newer Post

How a roller girl buys jeans...

With places like Hot Topic now coming out with their line of "roller girl style" clothing, I thought I would give some of you out there an idea of what REAL roller girl shopping is like. Here is my step by step guide to buying jeans if you decide to become a roller girl.
Step one:
Join a team. Don't buy new pants for the first few months. You'll just be throwing your money away.
Step two:
After several months of wall squats, calf raises, slow and low drills, toe stop drills, etc, notice that your pants feel a little loose in the waist. Think, "yay! I'm getting skinny".
Hah. Think again.
Step three:
Go to store like you always do, and snag a pair or two of your favorite brand of jeans, one size down from your current size. Don't bother trying them on.
Step four:
Go home, try to put on new jeans, and realize they don't go over your butt. Think, "what the heck? Must be a defect". (if you say that loudly enough, you'll hear the muffled sound of thousands of roller girls snickering at you) head back to store, return jeans, and grab a few more pairs to try on.
Step five:
Try on jeans in dressing room, realize none of them go over your butt and thighs. Wonder if your favorite brand has somehow altered their design process.
Step six:
Wander through store, grabbing every brand of jeans you can see in your size. Think, "what the heck" and grab some a size up from your normal size. Though of course they'll be too big, since you now have a smaller waist and the beginnings of killer abs.
Step seven:
Try to stop from hysterically screaming and crying in dressing room, surrounded by at least 10 pairs of discarded jeans in your size. Feel like designers have all altered their design process, and consider writing in and complaining. As a last ditch effort, try on pair of jeans that are destined to be "too big".
Step eight:
Manage to get too big jeans on over thighs and derby butt very comfortably. In fact, amazing fit for thighs and butt... but way too big on waist. In fact, to get perfect fit on waist, realize that you will have to almost fold section of waistband over and buckle with belt.
Step nine:
Accept new jean size with grace, but make a point to buy multiple belts, and explain to cashier that you are actually a smaller size, it's your butt and thighs that are insisting on larger pants, not your stomach. Your waist is smaller, your waist is smaller... repeat as a sort of mantra to keep from punching smirking cashier with her skinny jeans on.
Step ten:
Mention that you went jeans shopping to vets at practice. Sigh with relief as they all begin to rant about having to buy jeans in larger size to fit thighs and butt.
Step eleven:
Forget to wear belt while running to the store in new derby jeans. Give disgruntled sigh as they keep falling down.
Step twelve:
Repeat steps 1-11 after another year of training.

16 Responses to “How a roller girl buys jeans...”

  1. Ya know Joan...seriously....that is your all time record for saying the word "butt" in a post...ever...8)

  2. Any suggestions on jean brandss that DO fit bigger butts/smaller abs and waist and larger thighs? =D

    I've been searching for-freeking-ever, since that's where my body stores all my fat and ironically all my muscle as well.

    Totally feel like a weeble some days, I'd like to be a weeble in jeans that fit my butt and waist well.

  3. I like SO brand jeans. I still end up with bunched jean fabric on the waist, but they do have thigh room, and they still believe in boot cut.

  4. I have always had the smaller waist/big butt problem but I fit really well in Express Jeans and they have a bunch of different styles. They're made for curves and fit low so I don't get a gapped waist like all the 'teen' style jeans I ever try on.
    Good Luck!
    Star Slayer
    Green Mountain Derby Dames

  5. I have the same problem from competitive figure skating and years of gymnastics & dance. Try low rise jeans: they only have to fit your butt, not your waist! They were the first jeans ever in my long life to fit.

  6. When I was skating and lost a lot of weight...I still had no butt. In fact, I lost what little butt I had FIRST. I know you are telling the truth...for most women who are built in the classic pear/hourglass shape. However...for us apple/assless types, best to give up jeans forever and just wear lots of PLEATED miniskirts...a straight skirt just draws attention to the lack of a butt. But the pleated ones give the illusion of a butt. Of course...rationalizing being 40 in a miniskirt is kind of difficult. Oh hell...I just gave up and gained all my weight back!

  7. Yes! I love this post! Is this something we all quietly suffer with? The worst part is my HUGE thighs, OMFG. The only jeans I have found that fit me are Gap long, low riders, boot cut, STRETCH jeans. (could the specifications be any longer or worse?) Those years of gymnastics really do change your body shape (16 years, ahh memories). Yeah pain in the ass to find stupid jeans that fit. I have 4 pairs and they are all the same since nothing else fits me.

  8. Right Fit jeans @ Fashion Bug... The "Blue" tag. They are designed for smaller waists and larger booty/thighs. They are amazing- I can bend over and not moon the world!

  9. This is even good info for girls that don't skate - some of us are lucky enough to naturally have the derby booty ;)

  10. Ha! I'm glad I'm not the only one with this problem. I was confused when the size I usually wore suffocated my legs. Needless to say I pull my pants up a lot now because belts usually don't work with what I wear ::thumbs down::

    -Dora

  11. I second the Express jeans. I've also had good luck with (sadly) Tommy Hilfiger jeans. My recommendation? I've also had some luck with Gap. Go to Goodwill and try lots of jeans on until you find brands/styles that work for you. As a bonus, they will also be cheap. That is where I buy ALL my jeans.

    I'm not a roller derby girl, but I do martial arts and many of the same sorts of exercises that you describe.

    Who wants to look like a bland anorexic stick figure anyway?

  12. Having never had a white girl butt, this is what I have discovered:

    Gap jeans work. Roxy jeans make you look good, and Delia's jeans make you feel fat (because you have to wear a size 3 times bigger than you are used to), but still look good if you can get a pair in your size.

  13. Step 13:
    Have a clothing swap with your derby team or league. With everyone working out and having their weight flux people are bound to have lots of extra clothing. I recently got rid of 5 garbage bags full of cloths that were way too big for me. I got new jeans from another teammate – all is right in the world.
    And if there are cloths left over you can have a league garage sale to raise money, or just donate it all to goodwill to get it off your hands.

  14. I've discovered that Levi's 529 "Curvy" jeans actually fit pretty well. (In "normal" jeans, my bum/thighs are a size 10 and my waist is a size 4.) Unfortunately, stores mostly don't carry them anymore, since the niche is so small. There are several online retailers that still have them though.

    - Dana

  15. I second the Fashion Bug recommendation. I've always had this problem and have a terrible time buying jeans. But I bought three pairs from there in the last month because they fit so well.

  16. Surprisingly enough, American Eagle fits me almost every time. They're generous in the butt and thighs.

© 2006-2010 by Joan of Dark® unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved.. Powered by Blogger.
© 2010 joanofdark.com joanofdark.com .