Saturday was the memorial service for my friend Kristin. Her husband Matt, completely honored me by asking me to speak. I struggled for a little bit about what I would say, and I just decided to speak from the heart. Here's a paraphrasing of what I said. (Side note, I ended up cutting out a bunch of stuff because I felt myself on the verge of losing it!)

I went to see Kristin a few days before she passed. And for some reason, a couple of lines from Dylan Thomas were circling around in my head. "Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light." I couldn't understand why this, of all things, was stuck in my head while I was sitting there with her. Because I didn't want Kristin to go at all, but if she had to go, more than anything I wanted her to go gentle.
I spent a few days upset with myself over those lines being stuck in my head. They continued to pop up every time I thought of her. Then I realized the reason my brain had it on repeat. It was because of the last line. "Rage, rage against the dying of the light". Out of all of my friends, Kristin was the one who had the most light. Those lines weren't there for her, they were in my head because I was the one who wanted to rage, I didn't want to see Kristin's light die.

Then, while searching for comfort, I heard a Thomas Campbell quote (at WFTDA champs ironically). "To live in the hearts of others is not to die". And I thought of all of the people that love Kristin, all the people that are here today or want to be, and I thought, "If to live in the hearts of others is not to die, then holy crap, Kristin is immortal!" Because I know that none of us are truly going to let her light die, and she will live on in our hearts.

But I didn't want to talk about Kristin dying. We all know it's not fair and it was too soon. I want to talk about the Kristin I knew as my friend.

*** And then I basically read bits of this blog.

And I closed with a promise not to let Kristin's light die, and to keep it alive in my heart.

Kristin's memorial was a 50's cocktail theme. Because "Have a costumer party, not a funeral". Which was one of her last ways of giving us all comfort. Because you know what? You forget to be sad when you're trying to decide which vintage hat/dress combo works. You forget to be sad when you're giggling with friends over outfits, or having martinis (extra dirty. Filthy) at the post memorial. So if I could thank Kristin for that, I absolutely would. (and maybe some would say that taking selfies and group pictures at a memorial is tacky. To them I say, "You didn't know K. She would have loved it all.)

Also there may have been an incident with an abandoned shopping cart. I feel like Kristin would have approved.

Excitement! I have some new cowl patterns up on Knit Picks! I am personally in LOVE with the January Cowl pattern. I've made 3 of them so far! One for myself and 2 for friends!

January Cowl

November Cowl

I've dealt with death in my life. I'm sure everyone old enough to read this blog has. Grandparents, friends, family. Except that my experience, when dealing with people my own age has been accidental death, overdoses, or even suicide.

My friend Kristin was the first time I've experienced a death from disease. Kristin was diagnosed with cancer 5 years ago. I've dealt with friends going through cancer. It sucks, there is chemo, wigs, weakness... and they come through on the other side and the story is over.

With Kristin it was different. There was the suck. The chemo, the wigs and then she was on the other side. And then.. it came back. But it wasn't the end of the world! It sucked, and there were meds, then more chemo, but it was okay and there were still years ahead. Then all of a sudden, there weren't. Last month we were here...

at the Ohio Ren Fest. Enjoying the mud show with her friends, husband and son.

Then, a few weeks later, the cancer had taken over, and we were told we were looking at days, maybe weeks, not years.

But I don't want this post to be about Kristin dying from cancer. That happened, and it sucked. This post needs to be about Kristin. Because when I was crying and talking to my friend Quiche, she said how she was sad that she never knew K. Who was she?

So here is a post about who Kristin was.

Kristin was my first friend when I was a barista at Starbucks. She challenged me to shoot an espresso shot straight off the bar.

Kristin was my friend who, if there was a party, she wanted there to be a signature drink.

Or a theme. Such as prom night.

Kristin was my friend with the crazy ideas. Such as, "Let's dress up like it's the 1920, go drink Martinis and see Casablanca at the movie theater!"

I have pictures of this SOMEWHERE, but lord only knows where. Just trust me when I say that at first I didn't want to, I did it begrudgingly and I had a blast. That is what would always happen.

Kristin liked to dress up, and always encouraged me to do the same. Every time I would ask, "Is this too much?" She would laugh and tell me to go for it. And I always did.

Kristin was my friend who was always 5 minutes late. When she married our friend Matt, it became 30 minutes to an hour late. (On one memorable instance, they drove the wrong way from St. Louis for a good hour, making them almost 3 hours late.) Kristin was the only friend that was STILL my friend despite this. I don't know why. It would drive me crazy with anyone else. With her, it was just.. her. We worked around it.
She and Matt were even late to her birthday surprise party that Matt planned at our house. It was hilarious.
We thought when she and Matt had a kid it would be the most unruly hell spawn that the world ever saw. In fact (and no offense to my other friends with kids) they raised one of the best kids I've ever been around. Polite, well mannered, still a "kid", but one that I, as an adult that often can't tolerate the small ones, really enjoy being around and have actually VOLUNTEERED to babysit.

Kristin was my friend who was up for a challenge. When I told her about silks, she came down with me and tried it, even though she was nervous as hell.

I don't know how to fit 12 years of friendship into a blog post. I don't know how to type this without sobbing my head off, and I don't know how to say goodbye to Kristin. I know that there are few people on earth lucky enough to have as many people love them as she does. Maybe someday that will be a comfort.

For now, I hope that I told you a little bit of who Kristin was, and who she'll always be in my heart.

Kristin was a girl who made you smile.
She was a Mom who loved her son.
And a wife who loved her husband.
Kristin was my friend, and I'm sorry that she's gone.

And PS- In true Kristin style, the memorial is a "50's cocktail theme".

Remember my post last week about rescuing Masher the cat? Masher was abandoned at the pound after being with the same family for 13 years. They moved his litterbox downstairs, Masher couldn't get down the stairs, had ONE accident, and next thing he knew he was abandoned to death row.
Luckily FACE stepped in, posted his story, and now Dill and I have a new cat.

The first few days I was really, really scared for him. He didn't want to eat, he had a lot of trouble breathing due to a respiratory infection and he didn't go to the bathroom at all. I ran lots of hot water, creating lots of steam and used a humidifier to break up his snot and help him breath. He had meds, but those were upsetting his stomach since it was empty. Dill and I turned into jerks and force fed him. He was not a fan.

But finally, on day three...

Masher ate food! Lots and lots of food! Now his appetite doesn't stop!

We moved him into my office so that I can sit with him while I work and he can watch Supernatural with me. He finds it dull and predictable, but I've explained to him that he's a cat, so what does he know about television?

Now that Masher is feeling better, I'm finding myself even more shocked by his owners actions. This is a cat that comes running when you walk in a room. He flops over so you can rub his belly. He puts his paw on top of your hand, on your cheek, on your knee and turns his big green eyes on you as if to just say "Hey there! I'm here and I'm glad you are too!"

He wants pets. Constant pets. You think you've given him enough pets? Hell no. Until your hand is unable to move, he would like you to use that hand to pet him some more please and thank you.

Which baffles me. When we went to adopt him we were expecting a senior cat with a lot of issues. Maybe he would be distant, lethargic or have mobility issues. None of that would be an excuse for ditching him, but maybe it would at least offer some explanation.
Instead we have this wonderful cat, obviously with lots of life and love left in him. He was let down by people he trusted but hasn't given up. He loves us and we love him.

So, with all that said, if you are looking to adopt, I know it's incredibly hard to bypass the kittens. They're kittens! They're so cute and fluffy and the eyes are SO BIG OMG!

But if you can, maybe take a look at the 
adult and senior cats? I'm glad we did!

Knit Picks has a wonderful ornament collection out and I was lucky enough to have my patterns included in the book! Knit a cozy to dress up an otherwise boring ball ornament or a tiny tardis that holds small presents inside!

The Indy Star ran a really cool story about me and Geek Knits!


And Last week while Dill was out of town I saw a facebook post about a sweet older cat named Masher. I know we all see sad animal posts every day on facebook, but this one struck me.

See, Masher is 13 years old and had lived with his family all his life. Then they decided to move his litter box downstairs. Masher had difficulty making it up and down the stairs and eventually he had an accident at the top of the stairs.
Obviously the sensible thing to do would be to move the box back right? But no, his family decided that the best course of action would be to take him to animal control!
Poor Masher who had made one mistake suddenly found himself on death row.
Luckily our low cost kitty rescue FACE found out about him and pulled him out. 

I shared the post and Dill who is very used to me saying "I want to rescue this cat! And this dog! And this one! And this one!" said "go get him".

We did.


Then licks.

Took about five minutes to make the decision to sign.

And home!!!

Took him about five minutes to realize that this was it and all of a sudden it was purrs, head butts and all the love he could give. 

He's sick right now with an infection, which we were told is pretty normal for shelter cats. We decided it would be better to isolate him at home and give him the meds than to keep him at the shelter and let them do it. He has a much better chance of recovery when he's not so stressed. 

Looking forward to orange hair on my knitting! 

Also if you're in Indy please go check out FACE. They do great things there!

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